Molesting Hip Hop
ou remember those car adverts from a minute back, right? I think they were for the Micra or something. Anyway, they basically took two separate words and combined them together to form a third one: “It's good, it's a car: it's a gar.” Floridian MC Majik Most obviously has brand recollection because Molesting Hip Hop is not an album. It is not a mixtape either. Nope, it's a “milbum.” Yay etymology.
Let's not argue about that though. Let's agree on something else instead. Let's agree that over the course of this *cough* “milbum,” Majik Most comes with more jokes than Aston Villa's defense and causes more deaths than Myspace. When you know that Celph Titled handles the majority of production duties around here, as well as rhyming on seven of the tracks and bringing his old mucker J-Zone along for a couple as well, it's pretty obvious what the order of the day is: ign'ant, trifeish, overblown, tits-and-glock caricature rap. Which is the only thing that keeps my ear to hip-hop's underground these days anyway.
Start off with the intro though: Right off the bat, he's bragging about being like “Corey Haim and Corey Feldman in one man,” before administering a slapdown to everyone's favourite homicidal Philip Banks-alike, Suge Knight, yelling out, “This is for Vanilla Ice, bitch, get back!” It's all about jokes and dirty beats, yeah, but the jokes are fucking hysterical, and the beats stick to you like post-coital ass-sweat.
He keeps it going: “Skinny Girls” jacks “The Humpty Dance” to malign the lack of body fat on the modern day woman (“You swear that you're cute / But you look like a young Asian boy in a bathing suit” and “You expose more ribs than Tony Roma” being the choice lines), while “Just A Feelin'” takes a slow-dance, New Jack beat to serve as bedding for lines like, “If Reverend Run's on a runway, I'll run his ass over.”
As with the best of work of J-Zone and Celph Titled, it takes true genius to be this mindless, and there's nary a bad track on here. “Stuck Up” brings the much missed hip-hop catchphrase “Brrrrr! Stick 'em!” out of the retirement home; then Most and Celph proceed to fire off more shots than Jamaican lads at Birmingham mosque windows (“Catch more bodies than there's Black Album remixes” is Celph's summary of matters).
Finest verse on the whole joint comes from the renaissance fair bounce of “Real Villains,” where Guttamouf turns up to kick a solitary eight bars filled with the kind of “Did he just say that?” rape-braggadocio not seen since Anal Cunt's heyday. A Cypress Hill-in-their-peak nasal twang just works far too well when he smirks, “Get shit on my dick, and blood on my knife,” “Break into your house and fill your wife's mouth with jism,” and the final spit of “I'll be Nas, and you be Hova / Hope you got yourself a gun before you try to take over.”) A star in the making over 16 lines, undeniably.
But then, Majik Most demonstrates genuine potential over all 70 minutes of this, for fuck's sake, “milbum.” And he even brings back the pause tape outro! A pause tape outro! In 2005! Now that's talent, my friends.
Reviewed by: Dom Passantino
Reviewed on: 2006-01-11