The Weather Inside

and now, the weather.

It’ll be a blustery start to the day, with wind speeds rapidly approaching the level of several reverberating guitars being struck in unison. About the strength necessary to scatter some carelessly discarded plant pots, or knock hats from heads in the manner of an irritating cockney urchin. A number of tiny, localised whirlwinds will be clearly audible within the comforting warmth of residential dwellings and should be suitably pleasing to the ear. Rather like being sat inside a giant bell casing that is lined with honey-covered carpet samples and struck with a clapper of purest joy.

Later in the morning these tuneful disturbances of air will make way for balmy sunshine and a medium sized flock of clouds. A treat for attentive cumulo-watchers, these gentle beasts will be lined with a deft flourish of stringed instruments rather than the traditional silver. However, the Met Office have issued a warning that the clouds may attempt to fall from the sky and engulf members of the public in a delightfully fluffy world of sound. Though not specifically dangerous, it is thought this may cause unwary peons to wander into situations of unnecessary peril; such as off cliffs, into oncoming traffic, or the expensive seats at a Chris De Burgh concert.

Towards mid-afternoon there is a strong chance of melodic showers breaking through the gorgeous haze. Be aware that they, along with many aspects of today’s weather, may contain trace memories of Tanya Donnelly and softer parts of the Throwing Muses catalogue. If you leave the house without an umbrella, open your mouth to the skies and fill your belly to satisfaction. As you can see from the isobars, the precipitation will carry weighty emotional pressure which could result in pleasant and reaffirming recollections of loved ones; however, it may also well up within you like fervent bile and gush from your tearducts in choking spurts of deep regret.

By late evening chillier parts of The Weather Inside should be experiencing some light snowfall. The twinkling pitter-patter of uniquely frozen shapes and dropping temperatures will meet pockets of air, creating gentle squalls similar to those expected during the early hours of morning. During nightfall these storms will intensify and grow thunderous as they drift offshore, leaving the distant crackle of lightning on the horizon; in the manner of a hungry snack-lover rattling a popular tube-based crisp in an effort to get the last few crumbs out. And, as we look ahead to tomorrow, we can see further incoming swirls of wind flecked with sunshine and showers in meteorological harmony.

In summary then; powerful breezes throughout.

Reviewed by: Peter Parrish
Reviewed on: 2006-03-02
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