Staff Top 10
Top Ten Songs To Play In Preparation For a First Date

i’m sure none of the Stylus readers need us to tell them how to seduce the opposite (or indeed same) sex, we’re sure you’ve got a handle on that one. What we haven’t seen, though, is the ideal soundtrack for getting ready to out on that first date. A few songs to, say, help you balance keen interest without looking completely desperate.

10. Rollins Band – Shine
Stand to attention, you piece of miserable dirt. Sergeant Major Rollins is back to inform you that your life is slipping through your fingers unless you grab it by the balls and wrestle it to the ground. You need to strike while the iron is hot, you need to take her caveman style. Oh, and if the iron isn’t hot? You need to give it a damn good rub till it is. As ever with Rollins, he manages to whittle his lyrics down to something that stands on the breezy tightrope between hilarity and profundity.

9. Beach Boys – Good Vibrations
Wishful thinking. It’ll be virtually impossible to pick up anything of any real spiritual value from a first date, you’ll be lucky to get a phone number. But Wilson’s optimism is infectious, so why not hope for the best?

8 Lil Kim – The Jump Off
“I been gone for a minute now I’m back at the jump off”. Feeling a little bit rusty? The beat is going to make you feel at least a foot taller for starters. A huge mix of clattering drums and brassy horn bass blasts with Kim’s hopelessly unsophisticated she-gangsta lyrics are enough to make this a no-brainer in all the right ways.

7. Bjork – Big Time Sensuality
For all the wonderful, odd and heavily dancefloor orientated mixes that were made of this track, it’s the original’s mix of kooky organ pop and club vibe that works best. A perfect encapsulation of the attitude of acceptance (with a grin) of what is coming. Go with the flow.

6. Oasis – Rock N Roll Star
Young dumb and full of vim. Results may vary with stimulants like coke or alcohol, but the opening seconds of “Rock N Roll Star” still sound as ready as they did back in 1994. Pub/stadium rock acts are always going to need a “get up an’ at ‘em boys” anthem like this one to give the impression of that “us against the world” club that you can join by buying into their shtick. Still, this is an immense piece of mood music.

5. Prince – Strollin’
Essential for any junior playa, this track should inject a dose of Botox smooth into those furrowed sweaty brows. It’s, quite simply, a b-side classic that creates the delusion that the listener is in fact a member of the Rat Pack sipping a light cocktail whilst ironing your boxers. No pressure...let her come to you.

4. Limp Bizkit – Mission Impossible II Theme Instrumental
A big dirty piece of dumb riffing which balances the obvious aggressive energy of the song stomping around with a sense of humour of rocking out to what amounts to a song from an awful TV show with that guy from Airplane in it. I don’t know if this version is commercially available (I swiped it from the late Audiogalaxy p2p service), but hearing it without Durst’s hairy bollock ‘rhyming’ makes it a bona fide superhero theme. It’s just what you need to hear on your way to get the girl, kill the baddies and save the entire planet over pints and chasers. And maybe a packet of crisps. And a kebab to eat in the taxi rank.

3. Jesus and Mary Chain – Far Gone and Out
No idea what this song is about, in fact I’d be surprised if it’s about anything at all. “Far Gone and Out” is just another Mary Chain classic with a mile high guitar line, a buzzing bassline and a sprinkling of the usual JAMC words (“Rain”, “Kiss”, “black” and “Television”) with some “Hey hey hey”s tacked onto the end. Powerless in the face of the Brothers Reid, you’ll be singing along about nothing in particular in no time. Which should take your mind off the idiot you will soon be making of yourself.

2. The Lemonheads – Alison’s Starting to Happen
A hum-a-long strum-a-long bouncy piece of guitar pop about finally noticing someone in ‘that way’ that you’ve actually known for a little while. While its lyrics are definitely a little too head over heels in places for a first date (“She’s the puzzle piece behind the couch that makes the sky complete”), it’s still a cute sentiment. Plus, if the gentleman on the date can even muster a 1/100th of Dando’s cute charm, you’ll have no problem.

1. Otis Day and the Knights – Shamalama Ding Dong
Taken from the National Lampoon’s Animal House OST this is one the greatest songs ever written. Period. An OTT love lyric with a nonsensical chorus (“That is why, that is why you are my sugar dee dee doo”) that can’t help but inspire a sort of shuffly ‘dad at a disco’ dance no matter how much natural rhythm an individual has. No matter: check your watch, fiddle with your mobile to make it look like you aren’t killing time and take some deep breaths. You’ll be fine.

By: Scott McKeating
Published on: 2004-12-10
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