The Onion’s list of the Worst Band Names of ‘06 list is giving me the worst roffles-related cramps I’ve had in a long time; I have barely managed to type this sentence (admittedly, the multiple clauses isn’t making things easier).

Amidst the kind of turmoil that�s now become routine for the band, The Fall–or rather, the latest version of The Fall–rolled into Boulder, Colo. last Friday, one of the final stops on their first stateside tour in almost 8 years. And what better way to kick off a long Memorial Day weekend than with everyone�s favorite Mancunian cult hero Mark E. Smith? As has been reported elsewhere, Smith�s British band quit (along with openers The Talk) the U.S. tour shortly after arriving on these shores, forcing the singer and his keyboardist wife Elena Poulou to recruit a rag tag pick up band to back them at extremely short notice. Somewhat historically, this makes the band that played Boulder the first mostly American lineup of The Fall ever! Wow.

Despite their relative inexperience with Smith, the new Fall made for fine fill-ins, tearing through a relentless, hour-long set that included a blazing cover of The Move�s �I Can Hear the Grass Grow� (one of late DJ John Peel�s fave tunes) and a Fall golden oldie, �Mr. Pharmacist,� in the encore slot. The drummer in particular seemed to be getting a kick out of Smith�s trademark Three �R�s� (�Repetition, repetition, repetition!), displaying a goofy grin throughout the show�which, by the way, can be downloaded in its entirety here.

As the night wore on, it was hard to tell who the craggy Smith resembled most�was it a withered, alcoholic Tom Wolfe? A slightly (slightly) more upright Hunchback of Notre Dame? Suddenly, it became clear that director Peter Jackson had blown an awesome opportunity by not casting Smith in the role of Gollum for his Lord of the Rings trilogy. No special effects required! I can almost hear him, spitting out his lines in his trademark bark: “Bilbo Baggins-AH! Stole my precious-AH!” But I digress�

The new Fall wraps up its U.S. tour this week in Manhattan and Brooklyn, and is apparently heading back to Europe for some shows this summer. How long will this incarnation of the band last? Our guess is not long. Still, take a listen to this recent radio interview with Smith; the dude sounds like a sweetheart!

It’s been quite a fuss here in Finland since we won the Eurovision Song Contest.

The crap music and awkward stage performances are only half of the fun in the Eurovision. The other part is about national pride and watching your own country triumph all other european nations. Finnish national pride has taken some serious hits during the 40 years of the contest. We’ve sent horrible songs to the contest (I think every nation has done that) and never won anything. I still see nightmares of our 1993 song ‘Yamma Yamma’. We’ve developed almost a national tragedy about the contest. Despite the failures of the past, each Eurovision is greeted with fresh hopes that this might be the year they do it. But sooner or later comes always that empty disappointment. We lost again. But after Lordi won last Saturday, there were reports of grown men crying.

England had their magical year 1966 when they brought the World Cup back home. 2005 is quickly turning to be a similar legend here in Finland. I think it’s quite funny but also cool that five guys playing simple pop-metal and wearing monster suits are becoming Finnish national heroes. Already Finns are making up stories to answer the question: “Where were you when we won the Eurovision?”

Earlier that same day Finland lost to Czech Republic in the Ice Hockey World Championships semi-final. That was expected. I was at a party at a friend’s house and we all already knew that Finland wasn’t going to win anything tonight. Finland really has a long history of low self esteem as a nation. Most people started drinking vodka and drinking it fast. A few hours later the mood of the party was quite different. Something impossible was happening. Finland was actually winning Eurovision. Nobody could believe it was happening. After five nations had told their favourites people started to look pretty amazed. Finland was actually leading. This had happened never before. And it never stopped. Points kept on coming. Suddenly I was dancing around the living room and hugging everybody. And when the victory was sealed Lordi came back to the stage. Nobody knew the lyrics but everyone could shout: “Hard rock hallelujah!”

Of course the song was bad. I hated the song whenever I heard it before the contest and nothing has changed in that respect. But now I kinda like it. I guess every Finn now has a soft spot for “Hard Rock Hallelujah.”

Such music is prevalent here in Finland.� Our prime minister confessed after Lordi’s victory that he’s always been a heavy fan. Finlands’s mighty Tiktak, our biggest girl pop group, has learned recently to rock in a hard way. Their latest record ‘Myrskyn edell�’ is more heavy than most of the 80’s heavy bands. YleX which is like Finland’s Radio One, has 23 songs on their playlist which I would classify as hard or heavy rock. Which means that nearly every other song on the station has brutal guitar riffs and pummelling rhythms played as loud as possible. So you can’t get away without hard rock here in Finland. And now that we’ve won Eurovision with our favourite music, it somehow adds even more to the national flush of victory.

You may not realize it, my friends, but we are living in a golden age�for album titles, that is. Artists have stopped trying to come up with grandiose, evocative names for their long-players and have instead embraced the absurd. Either that, or they�ve simply been dared by (most likely drunken) friends to tag their latest opuses with the most ridiculous titles imaginable. How else to explain Final Fantasy�s He Poos Clouds�a title that ensures a blush from even FF mastermind Owen Pallett�s biggest boosters? Still, some are fighting off the embarrassment and are trumpeting He Poos Clouds an early contender for album of the year. You can check out some of it and buy it here.

Indie rock vets Yo La Tengo are also getting in on the crazy title fun: the band�s forthcoming Matador album (out Sept. 12 in the U.S. and Sept. 4 in Europe) is called I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass. Hmm, YLT seem to be in a violent frame of mind these days�just last month they were murdering the classics. Matador has posted a song from IANAYIWBYA (not a very good acronym, that), the peppy, �Mr. Blue Skies�-ish “Beanbag Chair.”

The grand prize in the outrageous album title competition of 2006, however, has to go to the always provocative�and often hilarious�David Thomas (not this David Thomas) and Pere Ubu, whose upcoming Smog Veil release has been given the sure-to-be-much-discussed title Why I Hate Women. Quite frankly, we think this bodes well for the quality of the record (Ubu�s first since 2002, hitting stores on Sept. 19); if Thomas feels confident enough about its contents that he�s willing to give it such an insane title, than it�s gotta be a great record, right? Right? Anyway, it�s getting good advance word�the Webmaster at UbuDance.com says breathlessly, �Well … it looks like … it seems that … i have to say: forthcoming album is the ******* BEST ALBUM OF THE BAND, EVER!� And we believe him. Speaking of Thomas, his first band, the Cleveland proto-punkers Rocket From The Tombs, which reunited a few years back (with Television guitarist Richard Lloyd in tow) is playing a handful of U.S. shows this summer. The band’s dates can be found here�along with some upcoming European Ubu dates as well. And hey, there are even whispers of a new RFTT album floating around. Stay tuned?

I have an uncomfortable admission to make: I am thoroughly enthralled by terrorist videos — those grainy pieces of handheld footage showing all manner of Humvee destruction and sniper-related mayhem. I could spew forth pages of (probably boring) ruminations on my current fascination, but it would be a digression in this case. Suffice to say, part of what intrigued me about the videos was (perhaps unsurprisingly) the soundtrack.

Many terrorist videos (here is a representative example) are quite sophisticated in production, featuring graphics, subtitles, highlighting of important actors (typically circling who or what is about to be exploded), and importantly, a haunting ethereal soundtrack that bugged me for months until with the help of the internet, I was able to parse these strange sounds: they are called jihad nasheeds.

Nasheeds are a style of Islamic music popular in the Muslim world. Certain Koranic interpretations forbid instrumentation, and for this reason most nasheeds are entirely acapella. As the style gains in popularity, some artists have added instrumentation in a bid for crossover success, a move that comes with some controversy. Lyrical themes of nasheeds wildly vary, from Koranic verses and parables to abstract philosophical treatises to love songs to current political debate topics such as headscarves. Noor Radio, based in the UK, provides a good Internet radio feed for those who are interested.

Jihad Nasheeds are a subgenre of music with lyrics focused on struggle, war in particular. Online store simplyislam describes a jihad nasheed compilation as “Powerful and inspiring Arabic songs from the battle field.” Quite literally, these are meant as the soundtrack to battle. The only counterpoint to the heavily reverbed voices are the occasional samples of horse hooves or swords clashing — the Koran seemingly does not forbid these sound effects.

Jihad nasheeds are disseminated through the bootleg CD market endemic to almost every urban center, including Baghdad where they are wildly popular. On the internet, they are distributed through messageboards, websites, and blogs. “Sana’khoodu” by Tariq Mustafa is a hit, billed as the anthem of the Palestinian liberation, as well as the soundtrack to dozens of terrorist videos. An mp3 and lyrics can be found here. A listing of more jihad nasheeds available online is available at infovlad, a blog devoted to various terror media.

I have given a cursory explanation of this music, but I offer no interpretation. I am weirdly moved by it: alienated by its unfamiliarity as well as the associations with terror, but drawn in by its beauty as well as the ethos behind it. This music is functional, but not directed toward the easy escapism typically attributed to pop in the West. You do not dance to it. You do not take drugs to it. You are meant to be arrested by it, focused by it and changed. This music is meant to evoke, if not accompany, armed insurrection, danger, and meaningful death. For someone steeped in commercial pop, I can provide little in the way of comparison.

Erstwhile breakcore maven Drop The Lime has posted a mix on his label’s site. Chock full of hard-to-find grime and dubstep along with DTL’s Baltimore club side project L.Vis and other gems.

Mark Prindle rather ambitiously reviews the entire Sparks catalogue in the manner of an insane street-corner dwelling genius.

On Propaganda: “Also, there are too many spoken word parts. I didn’t lug my 24-pound penis all the way to the record store and back to listen to Russell Mael TALK. If I wanted to hear an asshole talk, I’d just FART ON PRESIDENT REAGAN, thanks!”

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel talks to Sigur Ros about music from Iceland and finds out that the group currently doesn’t have an American label.

Stylus writer Ian Cohen previews the new Cam’ron album.

You Ain’t No Picasso talks about Sufjan overload.

Crud Crud brings you some words Egypt’s Latin Master, Bob Azzam.

The Banana reminds us of stellar DFA-associated mixes on the web for free.

The San Francisco Bay Guardian talks to Daniel Clowes about his new movie, Art School Confidential.

Newsweek examines how Warner is going the independent route and winning.

Brooklyn Vegan went to see Guns ‘n’ Roses and has pictures to prove it.

All the news that’s fit to print…

Pitchfork Media
-Thom Yorke Solo Album Revealed! [LINK]
-Cursive Announce U.S., European Dates [LINK]
-Television to rock NXNE, Tom Verlaine tours [LINK]
-MC5 bassist hospitalized after accident [LINK]

NME
-Clap Your Hands Say Yeah announce festival warm-up [LINK]
-Hard Fi gear up for Brixton residency [LINK]
-Bob Marley bassist loses royalties claim [LINK]
-Guns N Roses make live return [LINK]

CMJ
-Mystery Jets Launch 679 In US [LINK]
-Boredoms Return To States For Art’s Sake [LINK]
-Apples In Stereo Leave SpinART [LINK]

Tiny Mixtapes
-French Kicks Tour/Release Album [LINK]
-A Festival of Constantines Tourdates [LINK]
-MTV’s got the Urge [LINK]
-Universal Pays For Payola Practices [LINK]

LA Weekly has an interview with Soul Sides blogger Oliver Wang about his new compilation.

L.A. WEEKLY: What was the inspiration for making the leap from audioblog to CD?

OLIVER WANG: Kevin Drost at Zealous Records was a fan of the site and offered to let me curate the comp while he�d handle the legal and clearance work. Even if I never made a dime off the comp, it was worth doing just for the opportunity to put out music that I felt strong about.

Mad Decent has a new podcast up.

The Guardian barely talks about Hot Chip.

For the sake of topicality, let us begin with the latest pronouncement from the venerable Bobby Gillespie. Primal Scream, as you may or may not have noticed, have recently made the thrilling decision to return to the slightly retrogressive aesthetic (for which “electric panto” might be a good description) that they last peddled in the mid-1990s - so their boss has once again been doling out his theories on rock history. This week comes one of his best ever: “I can’t get into Sgt Pepper. It’s like fucking bad music hall. It’s not rock’n'roll.”

Brooklyn Vegan has a video of Grizzly Bear and Final Fantasy covering Mariah Carey together.

Anthony Miccio weighs in on Merrittgate.

The only reason the grumblings of an insular melodist would deserve this kind of ire is if you believe it’s culturally or politically irresponsible to not acknowledge the value of R&B/hip-hop culture; that it’s a symptom of something sinister. A lot of writers have given funk/hip-hop a certain cultural primacy, suggesting that even if a critic’s listening tastes aim towards alt-indie, you have to give lip service to the inherent value and worth of recent “black” music.

Stylus contributor Mike Barthel posts what would have been his EMP paper: “Why Would You Like Them?” : Performative Speech in an Economy of Shame.

Where things start to get interesting is when you notice that an actor’s cultural capital is actually tied to the cultural capital of particular art objects. After all, people might disagree about the worth of, well, pretty much every piece of art ever created (except for Prince’s “Kiss”), but that doesn�t mean we can’t assign a particular value to it. Thus, people accrue cultural capital based on what art objects they back, the absolute value of that art object, the change in value of the art object over time, the time period in which they choose to back the art object, and how they actually go about backing said art object.

Indy has an interview with Pinback.

“I like the fact that Pinback’s live thing isn’t the same as its recordings–it’s much more raw,” says Smith. “Everything tends to be faster, just because when you’re two guys sitting in a living room you’re mellow and you’re chilling out and going at a quiet, relaxed pace, so when we’re live it’s got more energy. You’ve got a live drummer versus us playing to a drum machine, and then you’ve got other people playing your parts, so that puts a new spin on it, too.”

Coolfer collates some links to writing about mixtapes this week.

All the news that’s fit to print…

Pitchfork Media
-Clor Break Up [LINK]
-Boredoms’ Super Roots Coming to America [LINK]
-Another Bj�rk Box Set in the Works [LINK]
-Danger Doom team with Adult Swim for free EP [LINK]

NME
-The Paddingtons to release new material [LINK]
-Pete Doherty court drama [LINK]
-The Jesus And Mary Chain get reissued [LINK]
-Elbow to release B-sides album [LINK]

CMJ
-Free Dangerdoom Online EP [LINK]
-Man Man Tours With Fiery Furnaces [LINK]
-Yo La Tengo, Robert Plant Fight For Love [LINK]
-No More Clor [LINK]

Via k-punk I became aware that the Caretaker’s fantastic, massive, Stylus-approved Theoretically Pure Anterograde Amnesia is now being offered as more than just a free download. This new version is a 6 CD boxed set with appropriately loving packaging, available from the V/VM site for the relatively mindboggling sum of 16 pounds including all shipping costs. James, the man “behind” V/VM, is trying to sell enough of these to break even on the thing, and if you’ve gotten any enjoyment out of the downloadable version of this you should probably take him up on it.

Poptext writes about Ashley Parker Angel and Marion Raven.

So, paradigm shifts. A generation whose formative experiences are so different in context and content that their basically held beliefs depart from the preceding generation�s in a crucial (and often unexpected) way, directly altering the norms of the system they inherit.

Or, why kids who bopped to Britney are now teens �n� twentysomethings devouring the Kelly, long after their �legitimate� pop consumption and natural fallout-emo-indie identity shift would predict.

A: Max Martin.

Stylus editor Mike Powell posts about Burial.

Burial, more than any other album in the hauntology scheme, is about time. K-Punk suggested that “Burial is haunted by what once was, what could have been, and - most keeningly - what could still happen.” My own personal difficulty connecting with the rave/’ardkore/2-step/dubstep/the British dance underground has actually enhanced that response rather than dampened it. K-Punk also used the word “elegy”; my experience is like being at a stranger’s funeral–a mourning without roots, an experience that actually has plenty more to do with your present than a past you never actually had.

The Of Mirror Eye has two tracks from Burning Star Core’s Mes Soldats Stupides 96-04

For the past week or so that I�ve owned this album, it�s been rockin� my world upside down. And considering that this group, Burning Star Core, before this. has been around for more than a decade, I can�t believe that I haven�t been listening to this band before this. Well, actually, let me take that back. I can kinda believe it, considering this band, consisting of C. Spencer Yeh has been keeping a pretty low profile.

Moistworks provides an mp3 supplement to Merrittgate.