Is anyone else seriously annoyed by those new Miller Lite Man Law? The same company that once waded into pseudo-metrosexual territory by trying to market to figure-watching beer-guzzlers is now playing the other end of the spectrum with its 30 second declarations of all that is man. Men can�t toast by touching the mouths of their beer bottles because the saliva exchange is tantamount to kissing? Maybe we should all just stay indoors lest we walk outside, make eye contact with another male, and get labeled gay.

It�s days like these that make me appreciate the thoughtfulness of Colossal.

Although a near neighbor of mine in Chicago, I didn�t discover Colossal until I was across the Atlantic, studying abroad in England. I have absolutely no idea how I found them, I may very well have been drunk, but somehow �Table Settings� made its way onto my computer.

�Table Settings� is the story of a man cooking dinner for his romantic interest, �both literally and figuratively putting his money on the table� and producing a spark with his culinary efforts. The song is beautiful in its simplistic approach and intricate musicianship. The group locks into a strong groove and rides it through most of the track, relying on a near-classical lead guitar and crisp trumpet playing to create a satisfying-full landscape. It�s sedate without being sedative, but more impressive to me is that it sounds so musically appropriate for its subject matter: a desirably common story with a commonly desired outcome.

So� new Man Law: It�s OK for a man to cook a romantic dinner as long as each dish is pre-approved by 2/3s of the Man Law roundtable, with special veto powers given to Burt Reynolds.

After several months of marinating myself in �Table Settings� I decided to further explore the vast wilderness of Colossal and eventually graduated to �Serious Kind.� As if in training to record his own instructional snare drum video, drummer Rob Kellenberger makes every conceivable use of the frequently underappreciated drum roll. His percussive accents, sprinkled throughout the album, give the group�s artistic dedication to intelligent indie a hint of legitimacy; an appreciable sidestep around the preponderance of misbegotten dance-beats that have so recently dressed up pop in thrift store clothes and dropped it off a couple blocks from the line outside the show.

New Man Law: Pending approval of former Steelers running back and Man Law legislator Jerome Bettis, it�s OK for a man to occasionally enjoy a song lamenting a soured serious relationship, as long as he doesn�t, you know, relate.

Besides permitting me to make an obligatory mention of the group�s former second vocalist Jason Flaks, �The 1/5 Compromise� makes fabulous use of the all-too-tired verse/chorus song structure. The song rightfully places its hook at the end, behind a cleverly concocted buildup that never overtly commits to the ensuing lively outro. The harmony-laden �You�ll knock those years right out of me� sounds enthused and perhaps consequently sincere, as if someone had actually begun the process, although the specifics of such an act are a bit mystifying.

Colossal seems to be somewhat of a part time project and I�d like to think that has hindered the growth of their fan base over the past few years. They are immensely underappreciated given their talent and pedigree. Readers may be familiar with some of their previous and current projects, which reads like a who�s who of great Chicago bands: The Smoking Popes, The Lawrence Arms, Duvall, Slapstick, Tuesday, Seedy Sea Controversy, The Heavens, and Judas Priest. If only there was some sort of central governing body that could insist that the general population give them a listen�

New Man Law: if you don�t like Colossal you should be forced into solitary confinement and fed nothing but Miller Lite and VHS tapes of the Man Law commercials.

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