Confessions on a Dance Floor

Warner Bros.
Reviewed by: Thomas Inskeep
Reviewed on: 2005-11-21

Posted 11/21/2005 - 08:28:12 AM by KlausFraktal:
 I personally prefer Estelle Getty's "Stop or My Mom Will Dance."
Posted 11/21/2005 - 10:53:01 AM by pabanks46:
 I walked into my local record store the other day and this was playing. They got to the "I don't like cities/but I like New York" song. I was like "What the fuck is this trash... wait... WAIT! Oh fuck! No... its Madonna!" Then, thankfully, a couple of the employees starting laughing at it and mocking it and went over and turned it off. I guess someone lost a bet. The weird thing was, that was the third song they played. Lesson learned: two prior songs are near faceless e-head rave-fodder, and the 'New York' song blows and discerning listeners should only listen to this if they lose a bet. I would reneg on my bet and drink the spill-mat next time I was at the bar before I dropped cash on this.
Posted 11/21/2005 - 02:30:27 PM by srkenney:
 Inskeep, I hate you.
Posted 11/21/2005 - 03:48:34 PM by Finn__:
 The first three tracks are qt. good I think, but after that there's little differentiation. Though I guess "NY" and "Push" are particularly bad.
Posted 11/21/2005 - 04:26:04 PM by PeterIa:
 Good review, IMO. I like the album.
Posted 11/21/2005 - 07:05:49 PM by pagan_poet:
 You know what's (alot) sadder than a woman approaching 50 donning a pair of hot pants and getting all hot and sweaty on the dance floor - it's the hilariously righteous and self conscious bashing she still seems to attract (after 20 years!!!). I mean, love or hate the woman, at least she's got the body to pull off her latest antics. If only (some of) you guys had the wit and originality to match. More jokes about her age? Gawd - it's like being trapped in bad Mad TV sketch. Guys, don't try so hard - I'm worried you're gonna pull a muscle.
Posted 11/21/2005 - 07:31:03 PM by KlausFraktal:
 I'm not sure what was so "righteous" and "self-conscious" about my comment. I just love Estelle Getty!
Posted 11/21/2005 - 08:28:48 PM by pabanks46:
 pagan, drop the lectures. Weak. And I didn't say anthing about her age, I said the songs blow, and I've listened to them. By your name, I assume you like Bjork, so let me ask you this: does this APPROACH Bjorks worst work? No way. It sucks. So unless you think the contrary, join in the bashing or stop with the lectures.
Posted 11/21/2005 - 09:11:23 PM by manis5:
Posted 11/21/2005 - 09:16:31 PM by pagan_poet:
 Pabank46 - seeing as Bjork has never released a disco pop album your comparison is beyond idiotic. And really, if you're going to enthral us with the tales of your trips to the mall - I'll say whatever the hell I want to.
Posted 11/21/2005 - 09:33:16 PM by PeterIa:
 There are some legit criticisms to be made against the music on the album, certainly, but it's difficult for me to see why someone would really fail to enjoy it. It operates on a different level from Sufjan, obviously, and it just seems inane to make that comparison. Does this succeed at pop thrills and cool dance pop? I'd say it does, and I think most people looking for such an album would concur.
Posted 11/21/2005 - 10:24:40 PM by ckramer:
 actually Bjork's Debut is somewhat close to a pop disco album, it's at least definitely in the same world as madonna's music. That aside you guys really shouldn't pay attention to this guys reviews. He's the worst kind of hipster. anyways i love madonna BUT this record has no soul at all it's just an exercise in making money and exploiting trends. I much prefer it when she still had a personality
Posted 11/21/2005 - 11:56:37 PM by pabanks46:
 pagan, what ckramer said. Plus, you're the idiot that is lecturing ppl on a thread. Fuck off. And I didn't go to the mall, I said "record store." Learn to read. 0-2 Lecture me all you want, actually, but don't expect me to not tell you that you're a dick.
Posted 11/22/2005 - 01:53:00 AM by IanMathers:
 Good ol' pa never lectures - it's so beneath him.

As much as I don't agree with most of the hate levelled at Thomas, I have to give ckramer credit: Never before have I been so baffled. "The worst kind of hipster", huh?

Posted 11/22/2005 - 04:51:45 AM by pagan_poet:
 Pabanks46 - I gotta know, was anybody else hurt in the accident? I mean, really ...
Posted 11/22/2005 - 08:22:18 AM by wmdavidson:
 I like T. Inskeep's reviews. The music he covers may not be my cup of tea but his respect and knowledge always come through. I certainly don't get the impression that he's "the worst kind of hipster" i.e. the kind that will scurry back to their Radiohead records as soon as the pop bandwagon's no longer good for cred points.
Posted 11/22/2005 - 09:36:42 AM by pabanks46:
 That makes absolutely no sense, Pagan, really.
Posted 11/22/2005 - 11:07:27 AM by TheBrad:
 1. pagan_poet warned us about the onslaught of Tori fans, and knew how to read Dom's review in the right spirit, so that's important and noted right there.

2. "bad Mad TV sketch" is incorrect, as it implies a separate, "good" category of Mad TV sketch. Please replace with the more appropriate "Todd Solondz romantic comedy".

Please return to the jabbing.
Posted 11/22/2005 - 11:29:45 AM by J_R_K_:
 your g-moms loves this record.
Posted 11/22/2005 - 02:24:24 PM by iloveokra1:
 How could Mr. Inskeep be the worst kind of hipster when he is probably too old to care about such idiocy (that's a compliment Thomas, I read your profile?. Maybe he listens to music for different reasons than some of you all. And just because he reviews more mainstream and country music doesn't mean he's trying to be anything except a fan of these kinds of music. One can like Sufjan, Madonna, and Martina McBride and the world will be okay. Really, it will.
Posted 11/22/2005 - 02:34:58 PM by cleric:
 The album is better than expected, but still not that great. It has the nearly-perfect feeling, but still you know some little things aren't just right. And they somewhat spoil it for me. Best example is Hung Up. A really good song, but i also really hate that "Time goes by.." passages because they are so cliché. And that clock ticking is even worse, it almost ruins the song if the rest wouldn't be that great as it is. It's like a perfect picture that a little kid got his hand on and put some yellow dots on it. I don't know if i should just admire the picture or just focus on the dots for what they do the picture. And Madonna in hot pants is still hotter than most other performers in hot pants i've seen. Cut those unemployed queers who don't have something better to do than bitching about other people's looks.
Posted 11/22/2005 - 10:42:40 PM by joeyjeremiah:
 well, it's obviously not e-head rave-fodder. Hard-trance and hard-house are. Like, Klubbheads or something. This is radio pop. That sort of ridiculous innaccurate generalisation throws all of pabank's credibility out the window immediately. Even if he understood another review/album, he doesn't get this one.
Posted 11/23/2005 - 12:11:08 AM by pabanks46:
 I suggest you listen to the two or so tracks before NY joey and reassess that.
Posted 11/23/2005 - 04:15:00 AM by NickSouthall:
 I do hope all you commentators who know so much better than the people whose opinions you read everyday by choice are all busy putting together applications to write with us.
Posted 11/23/2005 - 05:05:01 AM by TheBrad:
 True. I can think of at least three posters that could be writing well-informed reviews. And another two that could crank out Top Tens like no one's business.
Posted 11/23/2005 - 09:30:01 AM by J_R_K_:
 meow! cat claws come out southall style. good point. i probably should make good on my promise to write an article at some point.
Posted 11/23/2005 - 09:49:55 AM by nhennies:
 To quote J.D. Considine: "Madonna's Confessions on a Dance Floor is the best Kylie Minogue album ever."
Posted 11/23/2005 - 10:06:59 AM by wmdavidson:
 Nick, once again, doesn't the "if you don't like mine go make your own" attitude seem counter-productive on a site that asks for reader feedback through comments? Besides, the whole thing is not much more than a silly playground taunt that could just as easily be leveled at the original review: "Before you criticize Madonna, let's see YOUR dance-pop album!"
Posted 11/23/2005 - 10:46:35 AM by hutlock:
 Or maybe we're just looking for good new writers and we think that perhaps some of you might be them.
Posted 11/23/2005 - 12:26:15 PM by wmdavidson:
 I'd have a much easier time believing that if he'd said it without the sarcasm and condescension.
Posted 11/23/2005 - 12:41:45 PM by hutlock:
 Well how about you choose to believe me instead then? Bear in mind -- Nick is British, and so condescending is in his very blood. (ok, that's a joke...) But seriously, he did say "write with us" which strikes me as a fairly inclusive way to put it.
Posted 11/23/2005 - 10:49:44 PM by pabanks46:
 I would love to write for Stylus, but the deal breaker would be if I could write in 100% |337 speak. I M |337 2 teh /\/\4xx0Rz d00dz & 5+Y|(_)5 |\|33|)Z /\/\3!
Posted 11/24/2005 - 01:33:16 AM by clem_bastow:
 "its hilariouse how this site hates good music, sufjan no, but this yes?" WTF!? Has Sufjan Stevens been made into a god or something? HE'S NOT THAT GOOD PEOPLE.
Posted 11/24/2005 - 04:38:39 AM by vsvsvs:
 Well, he is. Better than Madonna at least (if the two can be comparable). But because he is THAT good, a lot of people resent the fact so convince themselves he isn't... when, really, it is easier to just let the goodness wash over you than pretend to get enthuse over and hype up something decidedly mediocre (case in point: OK Go review).
Posted 11/24/2005 - 10:13:15 AM by DomPassantino:
 vsvsvs- we should go out clubbing together.
Posted 11/25/2005 - 03:11:14 PM by IanMathers:
 I wish people would quit pretending to like Sufjan Stevens. He's so boring, and pretty emo to boot ("And in my best behavior / I am really just like him" - untrue _and_ as sophisticated as those "deep" high school students! Wow!), and if it wasn't for the Christian schtick, his current audience would probably be about a fifth as big, and it'll go back to that size once all the hipsters move on.

I, meanwhile, will still be enjoying that Ok Go album.

Posted 11/25/2005 - 03:13:05 PM by boilingboy:
 Clem should kep her opinions to herself. I reading Stylus for a long time, I've found her taste in, and knowledge of music to be shallow and ignorant. Huey Louis, indeed.
Posted 11/25/2005 - 03:13:55 PM by boilingboy:
 Oops...spell check.
Posted 11/25/2005 - 04:18:25 PM by vsvsvs:
 And once the hipsters move on... well, then his music will be all okay to enjoy again, right? Geez, this place does annoy me something rotten! I wish I wasn't such a glutton for it.
Posted 11/25/2005 - 05:50:27 PM by Subwoofer:
 As the topic seems to have shifted to Sufjan (why?) I'd like to defend him. I'm not a hipster, I'm a 15 year old. I like music a lot. I bought Illinoise this year, it blew me away. Call me naive or whatever, but I haven't heard anything as good for the rest of the year. I found out he was Christian about 2 weeks ago. I don't try and be deep or misunderstood, I just enjoy his music. What is this obsession with "hipsters"? I've got to agree with vsvsvs - music is music, no matter who likes it.
Posted 11/25/2005 - 06:18:53 PM by pabanks46:
 If you like Ok Go, whatever, that's fine. But if you are gonna rip on Sufjan's lyrics, Ian, pray tell what heart-rending prose has allowed Ok Go to escape your wrath, b/c the stuff is damn near fucktarded in my book.
Posted 11/25/2005 - 08:26:25 PM by bberge:
Posted 11/25/2005 - 08:27:31 PM by bberge:
 In reference to the intensity (and absurdity) of the bile here.
Posted 11/26/2005 - 12:17:17 AM by pabanks46:
 No bile here, bberge. Its rare that a site can consistently generate threads... just b/c I think Ok Go smokes taint doesn't mean I don't like Ian or anyone else. Actually the opposite. Stylus pwns b/c the minute you think liking A over B is absurd, you get someone you've read for a while and enjoyed telling you that, infact, A rules and B drools. Then you have to sharpen your critical skills, or just call people dicks, say fucktarded, etc. I like doing both.
Posted 11/26/2005 - 02:26:32 AM by bberge:
 Perhaps I'm not used to the message board style. Glad to hear there's no ill will.
Posted 11/26/2005 - 02:47:29 PM by KlausFraktal:
 Illinoise was overdone and conceptually stupid, but Michigan is a tight, little record. Indie kids are digging orchestral bombast these days. Who knows.
Posted 11/26/2005 - 10:51:31 PM by Finn__:
 Well however generous you are to Sufjan, it's just madness to say he's as good as Madonna when she was at her peak (anywhere 83-89).
Posted 11/28/2005 - 04:26:04 AM by TheBrad:
 The only thing that won't age better on Sufjan is his ass, and you can take that to your local credit union and deposit that in your low-yield checking account.
Posted 11/28/2005 - 12:59:41 PM by thegoathouse:
 I'm just wondering how someone can bash hipsters by insinuating that Radiohead is their toosi-blanket if Radiohead hadn't been THEIR toosi at one time or another. Just wondering.
Posted 11/28/2005 - 04:58:32 PM by pabanks46:
 I know, I hate when hipsters are all callin' Los Loney Boys da shit. pfft... Oh shit! I'm exposed!
Posted 11/28/2005 - 05:53:23 PM by thegoathouse:
 Los LoneLy Boys? Is that code for Radiohead? Anyway, don't you think some of us armchair music critics after assimilating something like the Radiohead catalog, aren't forced into another level of polarization that's perhaps less genuine and more calculated. I have a hard time believing that anyone could effectively comment on a band like Radiohead without evacuating the required headspace. And if that makes you an airhead... do you have any choice but to fess up?