The Darkness
Permission to Land
Must Destroy
2003
F



oK, this has gone far enough – I’ve heard better Happy Meal-metal bands from Saudi Arabia. Nobody’s expecting Too Fast for Love or Pyromania, this is rawk for girls of both sexes, fine, but even by those standards this is a dismal failure. There is not one solo that matches anything on Generation Terrorists, not a single riff that’d cut it on Electric, and the closest thing to a memorable song here sounds like the anorexic cousin of Urge Overkill’s “Sister Havana,” with an even worse (90s-style) production. (Yeah, 90s, NOT 80s. Like, why couldn’t they have at least made an effort and got Beau Hill or Michael Wagener on the controls?) That song by the way is “Get Your Hands off My Woman,” chorus of which indicates why this half-assed collection of assorted stuck-together rawk-sounding bits falls flat – hint, NEVER stretch the word ‘fuck’ over 2 syllables unless you’re five years old, even Sammy “Einstein” Hagar knows that! (Not to mention the title – what metal fan would identify with a sentiment like that? Even if they HAD a ‘woman’ to steal, they couldn’t do anything about the stealery itself, that’s why they listen to metal in the first place! Everybody in the fuckin’ world knows that by now, except for the Darkness.) Also, I bet the Darkness don’t even have orgies on the road (or even hang out in leather bars like Accept or Rob Halford), they probably have girlfriends at home named Kate or Zoe who got them on all those magazine covers in the first place, plus Justin’s an ugly bald motherfucker who doesn’t even look like a girl from the distance his band needs to look Metal Sludge-worthy, which they aren’t. Please trust me, I’ll argue the merits of the Scorpions’ Crazy World all night if you insist, but this ain’t that. Instead, think Extreme. Or Muse. Who themselves are (good god) marginally less pernicious for not being from London. To paraphrase Schoolly-D’s deathless “No More Rock and Roll” – “This ain’t Bon Jovi. This ain’t Cinderella. This is CRAP.” (The 1 point is acknowledging the minor possibility that the second album might sound like Hot Space).


Reviewed by: Dave Queen
Reviewed on: 2003-10-30
Comments (4)
 

 
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