AS THE IRREPRESSIBLE VORTEX OF HISTORY swallows 2006 like a stoned youth some goobers, i feel the surge of necessity to take stock.
rapper saigon wants to put his thumb in your ass, demonstrates a wonderful knowledge of dog breeds and their attendant personalities, and criticizes the clinton administration’s handling of welfare in the united states. expensive norwegian pop chanteuse bertine zetlitz releases an album called my italian greyhound, likely to the complete ignorance of saigon’s fascination. blogger mike powell sees a pitbull eat some wood in a backyard and the new yorker’s david remnick pens a substantial, interesting profile of bill clinton that does not use the word “saigon” (or “ho chi minh city” for that matter), but does use the word “vietnam” three times. meanwhile, men in vietnam continue to eat dog meat because they think it will give them longer-lasting erections. the study of linkages between priapism and sickle cell disease rages on.
pop singer britney spears accidentally exposes her genitalia. ben jones, an accountant in little rock, arkansas, describes it as looking “like a horse’s mouth.” seperately, ben’s roommate, lindsey millar, expresses visible anxiety over the concept of vagina dentata and also likes that album by rappers the clipse. vagina dentata continues to capture the imagination of academia at large.
more rappers make albums about drug slinging and young white men continue to wring their hands over them. blogger mike powell takes a bunch of drugs and listens to steely dan a lot and then kicks drugs and wrings his hands for nine months before meeting a girl who corrects him when he says “verb” but means “gerund.” actually, in the intervening nine months he gets righteously high, like, once, and surrenders to the album conference of the birds by dope-rockers om. both om and the inspiration, an album by drug-slinging rapper young jeezy, have really slow songs on them. rapper david banner, nee lavell crump, continues to be more compelling than dope-induced fantasies mike powell has had of egyptians building pyramids and motivational speaker and drug-slinging rapper young jeezy.
motivational speaker and blogger sasha frere-jones gets into an internet-based tiff with white songwriter stephin merritt over allegedly racist remarks. unsurprisingly, racism continues to thrive; depressingly, it becomes evermore cemented as a party killer in music discourse by the music-listening community.
the insistence of rappers on wearing jewelry, popularly known as ice, continues, perhaps in spite of the fact that the arctic sea is experiencing rapid thawing. the high for little rock, arkansas on december 12th is a shocking 68 degrees fahrenheit, still 140 degrees lower than the temperature at which cocaine base vaporizes.