Stylus Magazine’s Top 50 Albums of 2006

By: Stylus Staff

Posted 12/18/2006 - 05:22:10 AM by :
 I'm a little astounded, my ground has been stood by numbers 50 to 41 and though it may turn to quicksand by this time tomorrow, by a shake of infinitesimal mediocrity, a dusting of convivial anti-charm and a sprig of album-metonymy, 7 of these titles slid their grooved locks into the same greased chutes as mine, brother barrels in a gun. I can feel the urge welling within me to scream "Lus! You got it right! wtf?" but the statistician in me begs to differ - I ran a binomial distribution graph against my picks with Stylus last year and the resultant lopsided iceberg trend was as equally askew as this year's batch (so far) match. Burial at 41 foresaw the new Cornelius album and the latest 9 Lazy 9 project as just another schizo-jump in the lachrymose beats revolution that comes around every 6 (86, 96, 06, although it was 75 in the 70s.) The Amy Diamond is only in there for the last minute-itis that always plagues this lists as a cocky catalogue item, dismiss it, and when I post my graph you will see it spikes like mohawked punk exclaiming "A “real punk” will never stereotype themselves. To put this in perspective, have you ever heard a cheerleader say “Oh my god, I’m SO prep, that girl over there dressed in all pink is SUCH a wannabe poser.” … I doubt it…if you have, I pity you…greatly….for even knowing OF such a person. When someone’s says “Oh my god, look at that POSER!!!!” Does that honestly make them “punk” and therefore “cool?” " The other two on here that don't shonk my self-pleasedness into an embarrassing peacock display are the Espers - II which we can leave to Ian Cohen to mop up the tears of that mess once next year comes around, while I concede I've never heard the Final Fantasy record, although the blurb it gets makes me cry mercury. My blind arm-mangling point of this post is to say that even though I appear to be agreeing with Stylus in a sicko-fan-tic way, the binomial graph speaks for itself. It was a calculated display of list-statist-pornography, that actually indicates that I got it wrong, and therefore, that Stylus, got it wronger.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 05:23:23 AM by meatbreak:
 50: Lair Of The Minotaur - The Ultimate Destroyer
49: Xasthur - Subliminal Genocide
48: Moss - Cthonic Rites
47: Akitsa - La Grande Infamie
46: Bonnie 'Prince' Billy - The Letting Go
45: Services - Your Desire Is My Business
44: The Gossip - Standing In The Way Of Control
43: Tussle - Telescope Mind
42: Built To Spill - You In Reverse
41: Jarvis - Jarvis

That's the best way to respond to those I think, other than saying 'Ring-A-Roses' was a song to ward off the plague. No mights about it.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 05:27:28 AM by meatbreak:
 And also to say none of the Stylus back 10 are in my top 50 at all. Not even Final Fantasy or Espers. The reasons for that will become apparant as we progress.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 05:48:22 AM by Monnich:
 Amy Diamon is Swedish.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 06:41:47 AM by terrorist:
 heh, but meatbreak you think I See a Darkness is Oldham's best album and the Letting Go only second best, yet here, at 46, you've put your Oldham hat on over your groin as if the magic wand wavers at stylus had made all your clothes fall off. that's the best way to respond to those. your list rulz tho & should be made official Stylus List so much so that I will clicking straight to comments each night this week to see what you've got up next. god its exciting.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 06:46:57 AM by bassmanO8:
 Weird how the blue scroll bar at the side of the Comments box get smaller with each new post. It's exponential in the early stages and then, like watching a second hand flick off the hours the changes become imperceptible, (but not quite if you ahve 20/20 vision) and are a blue-bar watcher from the early days.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 07:26:59 AM by meatbreak:
 My scroll-bar's grey Basssman. It's not really weird though is it? I like how you are more interested in that than the comments themselves. Mr Terrorist, my clothes are well and truly on and I See A Darkness was well up in my '99 top ten. Other than imagining me naked, your real point is what?
Posted 12/18/2006 - 07:55:11 AM by terrorist:
 well, I do like your list because it has a mind of its own, but just not the placement of the letting go because I don't believe you have 45 albums you consider better than that when you have placed it only one below I see a darkness in your holistic assessment, so by irreconcilition of your delinquent misuse of the stylus list to hatch your own set of ur-comments you are tenaciously misrepresenting this album against a more fathomable position and to what miserable end? to save a bit of face when the fraptious thing finally appears on day 4, so you can say, "no it was up there at 46 and we'd all already agreed that that is where it belongs" and hence influencing the end result of the stylist, which while I admire the future-bending ingeniousness of that move, I called it out because I am Pierre Menard, Author of Meatbreak.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:06:38 AM by meatbreak:
 Well, Dr Menard, you wiley cunard you are mixing your lists a bit too much. I'm glad you think my mind is working of it's own accord, in which case you should probably prepare for some shocking revelations later down my list, but the goat you break over this Billy thing is not quite right. ISAD is amazing, really, peerless, whilst all the other BPB albums doen't come near that nomadic reverie. Here are my albums of the year. The spaces between them in their rankings are really very small and my top 20 are pretty much 20 viable number ones and number 1 is but a hairs bredth away from number 20. In which case, I think it acceptable that I can have ISAD as my number one Oldham album and TLG at number 2 in my list of best BPB albums, whilst keeping them about 40-odd places apart in my end of year lists.

I am not placing TLG at 46 for any other reason than the fact it was my (semi-arbitrarily) 46th most enjoyed record of the year.

And that, surely, has been one of the most tedious posts ever. This is the last time I justify myself to any of you!
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:08:34 AM by bassmanO8:
 This article came on just after 5am this morning. The differential in post times beginning with The-Disexists at 5.22 are 73 secs, 245 secs, 1254 secs, 3205 secs, 310 secs, 2402 secs and 1690 secs. Between the first post at 5.22 and the last post of the pre-Monday morning office hours comment, the average time was 21min 51 secs. I'll update this daily.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:10:08 AM by :
 W.T.F. this beggars belief. was 2006 such a bad year in music? was it?
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:11:24 AM by :
 i am glad i spent most of it passed out near blood toxicity levels because i never would have been able to handle it
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:14:17 AM by :
 now little girls are scary, too, on top of black people. what next, christmas?
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:15:40 AM by meatbreak:
 Thanks for keeping an eye on the details 08.

And Graves - your own top ten is eagerly awaited, though I expect you to be above all that and not cripple your dignity with the pettiness of lists. Right? If you spent most of it passed out, it's probably why you missed a lot and got so excited about Clipse right at the end of the year. That really is a tediously dull album about nothing at all.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:19:23 AM by terrorist:
 it appears bassman is competing with you for the tedious trophy. i quaver to ask you, what is the micrometer of tonoscope by which you measure these 'hairbreadths' and don't answer "subjectivity" because we've killed that pygmy of disconcertation time & again in these pages
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:24:40 AM by meatbreak:
 Well kill him again he doesn't quiet look dead to me.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:28:28 AM by meatbreak:
 No, I agree that 'subjectivity' is a pointless recourse. Are we really saying that albums are distinct from each other in terms of quality by one whole integer? Is it that clinically mathematical? No overlap anywhere, even under the harshest scrutiny? I think not, and it would be a strange mind that could seperate their listening experiences apart like that, no?
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:33:21 AM by terrorist:
 but then WHAT is the point of you posting an ego-list on here if it is only your point of view, you, a singularity to whose internal mindworkings no-one will ever *know*. it's grossly indulgent if you don't unlazily write us a the equivalent of at least 50 reviews worth of words balancing the nuances of the letting go at 46 against your desire is my business at 45. sure i sound like I'm joking, but really, what, do you feel better about yourself that someone might agree with you? I like your list (except for TLG) but so what? at least the stylist is a *collective* list. I am angry with you, but not at your list, just at your laziness in not spending more time in here explaining it.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:33:43 AM by :
 go listen to the Klaxons and choke on glow stick green donkey dick Meatbreak
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:35:10 AM by :
 You'll get my top ten when I'm at work GETTING PAID to write it.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:44:54 AM by terrorist:
 Jessgraves can't put a foot wrong with me. His/her list will somehow grow out of the comments box like a virus and eat away at the stylist until sometime in early 07 we are signing into each week to comment.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:21:35 AM by meatbreak:
 My explanations will be on my myspazz, but not on here, because we can beat out my reasoning over the ones people want, like this. It's not a vanity project to stick them up and have people agree with me nor a competition for the number of people having heard them etcetcetc. I would have liked to have sat at a round table discussing favourite albums with other people to beat out a collectively assured list, but since I am one person, the metaphysics of it are somewhat limited. Your name is Terrorist. I expect nothing less than anger, and in the current climate of Terrorist ideals, dubiously founded anger at best. Touche.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:23:12 AM by meatbreak:
 Graves - I'll get my glo-stick top-ten pen out next year after Myths Of The Near Future drops and bounces right off your shiny pony-tail-pulled forehead. And that was meant with sincere affection.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:26:33 AM by badhaircut:
 Wow, if I want to read shitty comments like these I can go to Youtube! Not sure which site has a more incestuous community, though. I weap for the future.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:27:17 AM by badhaircut:
 And I weep.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:32:55 AM by meatbreak:
 Well why don't you post your own considered, measured and worthwhile sustained comment rather than bitching back? Show us how it's done Haircut.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:40:32 AM by :
 Yeah, it's a good thing badhaircut's here to tell us the comments box is stupid, otherwise we'd have had no idea. YouTube comments are HILARIOUS. I search things on there just to read comments, sometimes.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:40:33 AM by GlottalPlosive:
 Piracy Funds Terrorist. But not in a Galang Galang kind of way. In related news, this list confirms that I haven't cared about music since 2003.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:49:27 AM by :
 This Joan as Policewoman thing is really fucking with my cranky morning brain. Who is that, and why do they exist? She looks like a bulldyke from Vassar who would have hit on me at the Mug and asked me to pose for Squirm. Beyond that I can't bring myself to read the write-up.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:57:34 AM by meatbreak:
 JAP is the best solo lezzer with a guitar since KD Lang, for sure. It's a good album. You might like it, in a safe and cosy acoustic kind of way.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 10:08:17 AM by :
Posted 12/18/2006 - 10:11:48 AM by meatbreak:
 Not even when it's raining outside?
Posted 12/18/2006 - 10:12:42 AM by :
 especially not when it's raining outside. that's when i listen to stockhausen or varese
Posted 12/18/2006 - 10:24:45 AM by johnedowney:
 Well, this list looks better than the singles list. For now, anyway.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 10:39:57 AM by :
 was that MIA album this year? please tell me it wasn't. that shit suxxored bad. and it'll surely be number 1 or 2 this time. they HAVE to have a hip-hop album up there just to pretend like they like hip-hop--just watch. it'll be something awful.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 11:04:29 AM by meatbreak:
 MIA was last year Jess. I'm with you on that one. So overrated. Just because she's from an actual jungle or at least her father was. Guerilla grrrr...Pft.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 11:14:36 AM by LostCause:
 "they HAVE to have a hip-hop album up there just to pretend like they like hip-hop" oh jess, stop telling us about your top ten and just put it up here.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 11:26:50 AM by bonhoffer23:
 As far as I could tell, it was that bad.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 11:35:12 AM by crackyardbetty:
 shit, dudes, i'm trying to fix a CV for a postdoc. JUST A SECOND. then i will indulge myself and youall further here.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 11:38:12 AM by bonhoffer23:
 Or, to put it another way, the triple-checked bifurcated billboards erected, and, uh, painted with equivocation and stereotyped imbrications hold nothing to those whose credo it is and whose credit cards they hold and whose credenzas they covet that all lists, all such year-end tenusmuses are but failed attempts at healing, at closure, at self-indulgence and winky-winky horripilations. Be not so afraid, kids. Let the top-ten oxytocic glory of a true lopsided iceberg trend, a true and dubiously founded anger, a true pooply pooping of poop bring a smile. Tenorrhaphy, not tenotomy. Knot to knot, not not to not. Push it out and poo shit out. Shoofly pie, not shonk. Whatever shonk is.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 11:41:37 AM by reklaw:
 craig finn looks like 70 year old man in that sketch. this set of 10 is lame; beirut is massively overrated hipster drivel and final fantasy's album, despite having some exceptionally good songs and moments on it, is largely incohesive and hard to listen to as a whole. ditto for espers. none of these should be on top album lists.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 11:51:23 AM by :
 500 EXP for use of "oxytocic"--hormone that induces lactation, oxytocin. Brilliant.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 11:52:15 AM by :
 There are going to be triplicates of all of them on Other Music's used and discarded shelf come February, Reklaw.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 11:55:58 AM by :
 (or is it exp points? is there a D&D; player in the house?)
Posted 12/18/2006 - 12:00:59 PM by :
 That guy from TV on the Radio in that sketch? Oh boy have I made a fool of myself in front of that guy way too many times. Once, my birthday in 05, we were at Savalas after I'd been bought full glass after full glass of grey goose by a particularly obnoxious "friend." Then they bought me some gintonics. Then we decided to do jaegermeister shots! At this point I was also on two schedule I's. So this guy from TV on the Radio is sitting close to us at the bar. (Once at Mona's I met him, he was rolling with this diller who was friends with Mos Def.) And when the douchebag fratboy bartender tried to charge us $7 per shot, we really let loose on him. Finally everyone at the bar was like "just pay." So we threw some cash at them and went to Anytime. Well, we play this funny game where my friends tell the Polish bartender I want to do him, and he keeps sliding me (blissfully unaware) free drinks all night. In comes TV on the Radio guy. I don't remember much more but I'm pretty sure the night ended in throwing tater tots around and getting kicked out. The end.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 12:21:14 PM by crackyardbetty:
 you forgot about the part before you got to savalas where you were in the blackroom at Bleu and you got really angry out of nowhere and tried to start a physical fight with your boyfriend! or was that the other night that week when you had the other birthday party?

either way. my top ten is this 1) Clipse-Hell Hath No Fury 2) T.I. King 3) Cam'Ron "Killa Season" 4) The Game- Doctor's Advocate (guh i know but...) 5) Dipset- The Movement Moves On 6)JuELz Santana - "There it Go" CD SINGLE 7) Ciara- The Evolution 8) Mary J. Blige - Be Without You 9) Prince - 3121 10) Ying Yang Twins - Chemically Imbalanced

Posted 12/18/2006 - 12:26:01 PM by hardcoracle:
 Major problem so far: Joan as Police Woman mentioned far too early.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 12:27:26 PM by bonhoffer23:
 If the Dungeon Master would allow it, I vote to split the 500 between The DS and the MB.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 12:31:06 PM by crackyardbetty:
Posted 12/18/2006 - 12:32:15 PM by :
 What is a dungeon master, and where do I sign up? Who will I punish first...
Posted 12/18/2006 - 12:40:32 PM by Compunction:
 GET A (chat)ROOM!
Posted 12/18/2006 - 12:42:18 PM by :
 we have one
Posted 12/18/2006 - 12:55:16 PM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 yeah, you wouldn't probably guess, but we all have each other on speed-dial and we send each other phone texts and emails all day that are even funnier than our comments. you should read this Bible porn thing we're working on, it's fucking hilarious.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 12:56:38 PM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 (this is a multimedia installation now)
Posted 12/18/2006 - 01:13:50 PM by bassman08:
 These comments sections have gotten quite humorous, especially with my "alter ego" (I still can't fathom why he chose such a it to make fun of me? I don't post that often, there's not much there to make fun of...) stirring things up and making things even more tedious than they have already become.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 01:26:20 PM by jhitting:
 I am now dumber for having read your initial comment, The-Disexists. You've spent way too much time raising your hand in creative writing classes. I'll be mailing you the latest Thomas Pynchon for X-mas and a bottle of Astroglide.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 01:29:14 PM by :
 Too late, Jhitting. I already sent him a giftwrapped bottle of astroglide last week.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 01:32:07 PM by :
 and a vibrating cock ring
Posted 12/18/2006 - 01:37:46 PM by crackyardbetty:
 Why do people always guess Pynchon? Why?
Posted 12/18/2006 - 03:24:25 PM by johnedowney:
 I just hope that somebody comes in with a comment concerning the Mars Volta. Some MV fan has to come here eventually and curse us out for not naming "Amputechture" the greatest album of all time. I want to be there when that happens.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 03:41:09 PM by :
 Burial is the only decent album on here, and even that's been blown way out of proportion by bloggers who think everything they like is another epoch in human history.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 03:46:53 PM by dougrokakis:
 you've heard and dislike 9 of the 10 albums JessGraves? Even numbers 50 and 46-44?
Posted 12/18/2006 - 03:48:46 PM by :
Posted 12/18/2006 - 03:56:38 PM by dougrokakis:
 I haven't been able to listen to the Joan as a Policewoman enough yet to give a final opinion but it doesn't sound as bad you might think it does Jess. It's best not to judge a book by its cover on this one. Although I say this having no idea what you like, really.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 04:03:50 PM by :
 one of the roommates of a psychic TV member just asked me out. i like psychic TV. and throbbing gristle. and konrad schnitzler solo projects.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 04:11:21 PM by crackyardbetty:
 why does google searching Joan as Police Woman return so much lesbian porn?
Posted 12/18/2006 - 04:12:21 PM by crackyardbetty:
 Benoît Pioulard i bet my boyfriend has that album. I've probably heard it like a million times.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 04:36:53 PM by grandbanks:
 Hey jhitting, nobody raises their hand in a creative writing class, they are workshops and people just rail on each other barrage-like just as they do here in this ole comments section. Surely Dis would come out on top in most of those scenarios, just as you and fleezer would invariably come out on bottom, not that you would notice. Care to share some more insights, or are you gonna wait for the inevitable Hold Steady appearance?
Posted 12/18/2006 - 04:47:36 PM by :
 tahahah grandbanks is pretty funny
Posted 12/18/2006 - 04:48:25 PM by :
 "Dis" can teach me creative writing anytime. In fact, he basically is.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 04:48:56 PM by :
 sit back and get schooled, yall
Posted 12/18/2006 - 05:15:59 PM by meatbreak:
 I have a bad feeling The Hold Steady is going to be outrageously high. Can we not shoe the Disextists onto the panel in the nick of time and save us all one quiet moment of inconsolable indignation?
Posted 12/18/2006 - 06:14:55 PM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 Even Mikey is getting up on the Dis' mainframe-bending hilarity party. He just put on 9 Lazy 9 for me and is jamming out to it. In other news, my neighbors saw him copping today (they do at least once a day) and finally started pushing to us. Now I'll never have to leave my apartment! You'll all look forward to being regaled with even more CokeAnn posts. Non sequitur: I keep hallucinating my computer screen turning into like 3 of them then disappearing with light trails. It's faint but it's definitely there.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 06:36:05 PM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 the sounds of cracknisss/the black martha stewwit let me show you how to do it[[]]]while i'm shoveling the snow man call me frosty luva / lyrics/ clipse/ should/win but they won't
Posted 12/18/2006 - 07:00:40 PM by fleezer:
 alan jackson? f off and die
Posted 12/18/2006 - 07:11:14 PM by terrorist:
 for measuring those hear-breadths are`s how (sincerely). you take the estimated number of spins you played in a month period of buying an album (Modern Times 22 times, Avatar 17, Harvest Moon 31 (every night to lull me to sleep (to only include 06 albums is really dumb)) A Hundred Miles Off 26 etc etc) divided by the number of estimated future spins it will get in January which gives a post-past listening quotient which is a pure mix of objectivity & subjectivity, or what we call the `ex-qualia` of a piece of music. My Modern Times qualia was 1.857 compared to my Avatar ex-qualia of 1.2 which easily shows that Avatar rates higher in my year end of best of list. its faultless to a t
Posted 12/18/2006 - 07:23:00 PM by pabanks46:
 To fleezer: I agree, Alan Jackson. But that's Inskeep. His POV is as valid as any other. Now pass my my fecal-rat-shake. It tastes delicious. You can't judge me on what I think tastes good.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 07:56:51 PM by :
 god, even Fleezer knows better than to think this list is good or makes sense. that's how you know you're conceptually bankrupt. subjectivity is not carte blanche--subjectivity is not an excuse for a subject's (or your own) bad taste, it just explains why bad taste exists. i bet Mathers could write a really longwinded essay about subjectivity using philosophers no one needs to write about anymore because what they've said is so self-evident as part of the very fabric of the West that it is hard to get past the cliche of the enterprise in the first place in 200 pages in order to really get to anything insightful or half-relevant. or stuff undergrads should've known backward and foward by second year. i'm surprised he didn't write about Burial and perform some sort of mimetic Wire-inspired gestural overapplication of the overearnest music journalist's favorite deadhorse nu-jargon "hauntology", a neologism Derrida (a self-avowed "Heidegger's biggest fan" and retains his title unless you count Agamben) coined as a play on words in direct reference to Heidegger (specifically the mid-Heidegger of The Question Concerning Technology) and by way of a critique of Marx's pisspoor grasp of metaphysics, right after he spouted some weird quips he heard a Quine-aping semantic philosopher of the new Oxford school told him once about about how Heidegger is useless and unreasonable/unreadable and the "problem with all philosophy." poor kid not even saavy enough to the analytic/continental divide to be wary of wholesale dismissals of one camp by the other. then my brain could seize and writhe in futile agony at the demonic powers the blogosphere possesses in the service of sophomoric misappopriation and displaced enthusiasm which only leads to transparent posturing and another career journalist just what the world needs.

Fleezer, come give me some lovin, not even JessGraves can hate you today. i am too worldweary this week thinking about tokenism and the upper middle class, and their problems of leisure to pick on even phishloving devilsticktwirling trustafarians-in-training who've barely escaped middle school. someday, you'll find the way out. i expect due thanks for my role. maybe write about me in your college application essays. or help me write this graphic design final about formal elements of typesetting ranking 9 websites according to business model and relative aesthetic superiority.

see in art, artists make valuations of rank all the time. it's a matter of how good and persuasive you are at doing it. rantrantrantrantrant. something for the Dis to read at work, i know how he suffers there.

Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:01:17 PM by cwperry:
 I used to really like Stylus, before it became a fraternity/sorority with about 4 members who treat the comments box like their fucking private Instant Messaging service. While I'm here: Jessgraves, you win the Most Tolerant Award for your insightful comments about Joan as Police Woman. Christ, I keep saying I am not coming back to this fucking site, but every time I do there is something about an album or song or artist I like--and I always love lists--but then I open the damned comments box and I have to see another fucking impenetrable wankfest from The-Disexists and everything else. My New Year's Resolution in 2007 is to forget this site exists.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:05:02 PM by :
 What did you expect here, CWPerry? A Harvard Symposium on the history of popular music chaired by Leonard Berstein's ghost? You get what you pay for, son.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:06:47 PM by :
 And if you're trying to call me a homophobe, try again, CWPerry. I was kidding about a sociological type--my own. I am, in fact, bisexual myself.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:13:38 PM by crackyardbetty:
 don't let the door hit you on the way out, Perry
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:19:47 PM by crackyardbetty:
 yeah, please don't try to accuse the JessGraves of being "straight" in any sense of the word. she will get all queerpolitical on you about how she's not political about sex and that linear sexual gender identity narratives are just not for her and all of that. you will regret it, trust me.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:39:42 PM by :
 Jess, I am at work right now trying to discern the polycontexturality we both suffer under in direct transgression of the cybernetic insureties that underly the notion of a `West`: feedback, whether it be from a cwperry or fleezer, recognizes via The Laws, either of these posters retrogard defensivism, by which their reponses disqualify a `normal` response`s required automata and fall under the Bourbakian spell. It`s difficult for some of our fellow commenters to indignigate the *mathematics* of harmonic logic & the various guises under which we cybernetically organise our repeated set of assumption that the fleezers of the world grasp only as a set-theoristic group of internalisations; Heidegger taught me to be at least as subjectively dislocated from my opinion in order to recondition my anthroponym "Lesley Spriggs" as a disjunctive impotent against my allonym "The Disexists". Only you would know that to call me a pseud or a nym of any parodic kind is to ghostwrite me as yet another Stylus poseur whose music taste is destined to be a permanent one-step remove from the lethargy of a cwperry or a bonhoffer in realistic self-distancing, & the resistant fear they both objectify in grammar. I hope your aesthetic superiority outweighs the production line of the damn eXistenZ final and rejuvenates a quizzical automata from your examiner, much as we here must polymorphously must reframe the regurgitative economics of other commenters.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 08:47:01 PM by :
 - must
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:12:22 PM by crackyardbetty:
 YesyesLes. My "name" here. Well, there is Borges and Borges' "I" (Ego in Greek), and there is Jess Graves and I. And do the twain meet? Often enough, but does it matter? Jess Graves is not a mask for Jess Graves, not a pseudonym. I wanted at least that amount of psychanalytical heft--the original lie of biological origin--in my portrayals of Jess Graves and I. Words fly onto the form here that someone carefully coded to perform just this function, they form sentences. There's a little bit of dada here, perverse delight in chance meetings of murdered signs and a rather contrived anti-narrative always levelling itself juggernaut-style (like in the Radiohead song, heh) at sense and signification. Between Jess Graves and Jess Graves spans some sort of distance, one that lacks geometry, can't be plotted on the matrices, can't be reduced to an algorithm-- a plane with no dimensions, no topography, a map with no terra firma to correspond to its distortions.

Take your virtuality CWPerry and do what you will with it, like we all have, and if you can manage to do like Kafka said sit still, sit perfectly still, don't even touch the pen, don't even blinnk, and the world will reveal itself to you, writhing at your feet. The game has no rules until you make them, and even then, well, look at what happened to Allegra. Thought she'd been writing eXistenZ all along but her formulas were smarter than she was, they were only solving themselves through her, and in the end eXistenZ wrote her, and wrote her out of itself with such efficiency and determinacy and brutality it is a wonder she came out of it relatively unscathed (if minus a cyberlover and ooh la la what a worthy one.) Who needs reality with its bioslavery when we can have this, vivification unlimited, eros without borders. JessGraves is nothing, you should meet Jess Graves and I.

Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:27:01 PM by crackyardbetty:
 -and (before the world will...)
Posted 12/18/2006 - 09:46:17 PM by crackyardbetty:
 if charlie give me a bad grade, we all know whose fault that will be Lesley. i believe his exact words were "No problem. I did disregard it." You're still on time out with The-JessGravesers.
Posted 12/18/2006 - 11:49:34 PM by :
 Mwhaheehee, love the Kafka/virtuality joke chucked in there like a tickle spring in a princess-sized mattress. But to address your duality as a linguist other, the two Jess Graves, and the two "Jessgraves", these 3 virtualities neither share the same operator, with, or, & their logical signifiers except to produce a kind of shadow-self, which as Borges` implied in his short "Borges & I" neither write the `another` that tramples over being, and, has the I of the I falling through metaphor after metaphor and ends up as null instantiation - the absence of a frame, no `you` in the sentence, leaving me with a zero anaphor to address. Ideally when I write to `you` I am writing to anyone or no-one, although at this point language fails even me, to help my reader leap this qualitative hurdle: what I`ve been working up to is a rational for including a personal list of favourite albums, that actually conduct the spirit of music into the spirit of language, and it is important to me, if not to anyone else or even JessGraves, to substantiate myself first in musical appreciation, before my `I` comes barging in here setting a lighted match to my dialectic of opinion, or, if you prefer my spin.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 12:04:34 AM by :
 I`ve just re-read my post & I`m not satisfied quite. It would help to make use of an imagistic trope to elucidate the self-complex duality with first, an image, & second a movement of subtlety to generate the change in image in order for us to `see` the music. Imagine a bulb in a room, stark, yellow, the room barren, the lighted bulb obviously buzzing with electricity on the inside, but pretty much imperceptible to the eye. Stare at the bulb awhile & of course you get a faint blind spot. But here`s the rub; the blind spot is only blind to the reality of a solid object (the wall in this case) in the background, while the light you see in the *blind spot* gently filters out to reveal the wall after a few minutes. That light filtering out is music. Now the second part. The Disexists be...
Posted 12/19/2006 - 12:05:08 AM by crackyardbetty:
 In the end we're all just performing for the "big other", anyway, if Kpunk is right:

But see, Jess Graves is not using a pseudonym because it "facilitates the escape from biography," she is using it like a dull blade, idly caressing it along the edges of your arms and neck, petulantly bored, making weak, unfrightening fake stabs at you with them more concerned with how deep she could gouge herself while escaping notice. Of course, being highfalutin about the troll's infantile polymorphous enjoyment of his own highly performative perversity might just be the sad side-effect of having even more leisure in your class than trolls themselves. Marx would be lost in our nonsense economy. Desire out of a marketplace is like laserbeams that have nothing to point at in the dark. They illuminate only when they cross paths by coincidence, even then the tree falling in the woods isn't making any noise.

Posted 12/19/2006 - 12:13:52 AM by :
 ...comes JessGraves like a trick with a knife & switches the light out. You blink. The music has filtered out, it`s dark and a thing changed, and now the foom is flooded with only music and nothing else at all. THAT is my experience of musical appreciation when I claim Sens Pakstag`s Indian Overtures as my album of the year. Hope y`all can see it a little clearer now.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 12:22:21 AM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 I don`t mind becoming your replicant slave husk, but c`mon & puhleash, a little more sex and smut in the posts people.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 12:59:49 AM by :
 Sex and smut is usually your bag, CokeAnn. It is not so subtly seething between the lines of everything the Jess Graves posts as well. She would probably pick the Junior Boys or Hot Chip record for number one, ceteris paribus and if Clipse is excluded as secondary to any discussion of rankings henceforth by virtue of the tri-facticality of Jess Graves` burning need to be mercilessly shagged by Pharrell while they discuss the merits of Korg Triton production and Ciara joins in just preclimactical plateau and really does Jess' bilateral trick, because we all know that hip-hop is a poorly veiled, barebacked and unwrapped surrogate for The Graves` overarching, incandescently concupiscent lustprose.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 01:04:44 AM by :
 What is that I hear Grandbanks? If Clipse doesn`t come through, you`ll be there for Jesster and Ciara in half an erratic heartthump?
Posted 12/19/2006 - 01:13:59 AM by crackyardbetty:
 1,000,000 EXP points to Dis for his oblique Pompidou/Kurokawa/virtual architecture knowledgebomb dropped like it warnt no thang
Posted 12/19/2006 - 01:31:00 AM by Hone_Heke:
 Don`t send a boy to do a man`s job, Disexists. Grandbanks wouldn't know what to do with Crackyardbetty, Betty of the ghettoboot-ay legendary across five burroughs and beyond, colonizing and pillaging the fantasies of any living creature with a pulse and a penis throughout the tri-state area (yes, I have even heard men in West Orange speak reverently of her ample, shapely, delicate womanpart), packed into her Lady Enyce crackhuggers until the stretch fabric gives a little and bunches at its poorly sweatshopped seams, caressing her every contour so close and firm that only a good can of indigo spraypaint could simulate their wonders. She is a complicated one, well beyond the ken of Meatbreak or Bassman--she relishes your sweet nothings ("who's yo daddy, ho?" works well) grunted into her ear, and requires a thorough roughing up by way of what the kids are calling "foreplay." Turf wars have been waged over her prominent cameltoe and the babysoft flesh surrounding her navelrings.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 01:46:28 AM by crackyardbetty:
 I think you meant "concupissant" up there, Dis. -30,000 EXP points.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 03:42:53 AM by crackyardbetty:
 "The basic theory of why the American Midwest has produced more internationally recognized artists (more Nobel lit winners than any other region in the world) goes like this"

Exactly whose theory is this, and what team of crackerjack scienticians have clinically tested it using which methodology? Maybe the same ones who mathemagically decided U2 > REM.

Posted 12/19/2006 - 04:37:34 AM by meatbreak:
 Interesting how Heke chooses a form of purple to paint his understanding of women with, when every psychologically trained counsellor knows yellow is for the suicidal and purple is for the carnally frustrated. I think you're posting on the wrong site Hone(y), though the ones you want are more pictures than words. Underestimate my capacity for unpicking the finer details of steamy oestrogen subtleties if you like, but where exactly do you think the name meatbreak comes from? A little digging through it like grubby hands through dirty drawers wouldn't go amiss. Now step back as I give Terrorist his second instalment (expanded and explained on m*sp*ce tonight):

40: Fujiya & Miyagi – Transparent Things
39: Blut Aus Nord - MoRT
38: Tunng – Comments Of The Inner Chorus
37: Les Georges Leningrad – Sangue Pro
36: Holy Shit – Stranded At Two Harbours
35: The Big Sleep – Son Of The Tiger
34: Vetiver – To Find Me Gone
33: OOIOO - Taiga
32: Kirb and Chris – Niggaz And White Girlz
31: Skygreen Leopards – Disciples Of California

There’s some light filtering out of there Dis. Dissect it.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 04:43:14 AM by bj_randolph:
 Anybody get all the guys in the drawing? TVotR, Knife and Ghostface are all obvious (terrific likeness of Starks, by the way), but I'm not certain on the other two. The guy dead centre I'm thinking Craig Finn, but second left I'm stumped.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 05:06:33 AM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 It's that dude from The Mountain Goats. I fucked the guy from Cassiel who released some LP or EP maybe of theirs in 90s. When I was 18.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 05:09:19 AM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 is that Les Georges Leningrad album really any good? used to like them. good live act. (DAMN did i just say that?) saw them somewhere in greenpoint once where they were handing out free Sparks. unfortunately i wouldn't drink Sparks if they were handing it out free.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 05:23:06 AM by meatbreak:
 Yes, it really is very good. Better then Black Eskimo and a better reminder of how they are live. If you liked Black Eskimo, Sangue Pro is as good a progression as you could hope for. Handing out free Sparks? Would have been better if you hadn't qualified it with the word 'drink', then I would have thought they were handing out bits of the Maels.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 05:41:31 AM by meatbreak:
 Sterling assesment of the Arctic Monkeys by the way. I am ready to defend them to the hilt. But below the YYY's? Really? Even your description/reviews of each would imply the Monkeys should be higher.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 05:42:57 AM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 I think Sparks is a drink custom-designed for the kind of people who used to suck on smarties while they did choreographed dances to Paul van Dyke with glo-sticks. At least, that's what it tastes like. Back to the list, tho. It just keeps blowing harder. 2006 was a banner year for "suck", apparently.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 05:44:44 AM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 I will not even address the inclusion of said band, Meatbreak, nor will I speak its name. It is like the play, with the three witches, toil and trouble. Like that. I'm starting to think this is all some kind of cruel joke. And that I should sleep for at least an hour before I go to work.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 05:53:38 AM by meatbreak:
 Cruel joke perhaps. I haven't heard a few of the albums from 40-31, but the YYYs, The Game and that Thom Yorke album really aren't all that great. At least Thom's got all the pent up quiet out of him, ready for the next band one which should be great now he's done the half awake electronics (he says, with an eye cocked to Graves, ready for her dismissal).
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:07:23 AM by :
 Meatbreak, I'm too busy being pissed off about how suburban white boys think they know what it's like to grow up poor in a neighborhood where you watch most of your peers get shot or arrested by the time you're 16 and how it's "ironic" in a cool way to listen to The Rolling Stones, or ACDC and hairmetal when white guys use bombast, misogyny and other white trash blights on humanity in a highly stylized way to make money, but if black men dare to step outside their rightful place as the bearers of tragic poverty-stricken life in the ghetto, make money, and talk about how they sold drugs in the ghetto, and how hard it is to stop selling drugs even when you get out of the ghetto, god fucking forbid. I hate males. They create the market, then they get made when people use it to come up. The Clipse aren't stupid for talking about what happens in the ghetto--white people are stupid for thinking they're glorifying it. They're desperately trying to escape, you morons. Ever go a day without food when you were younger than 10, any of you Stylus writers? Probably not. Ever watch your mom go hungry so you could eat? Do you know what desperation tastes like? Obviously not, except when it comes to not having gotten laid in like your entire lives.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:09:06 AM by :
 black people are only ok when we're putting them as token bearers of proto-roots rock authenticity on "greatest albums" lists. otherwise don't talk about violence, that's so stupid. but fucking CASINO ROYAL is a good movie. gag. you people make me sick.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:11:44 AM by :
 being black is ok till you make money, then you better stop talking about violence and stop being proud of your possessions even though you fucking worked your ass off to get where you are. without white privilege and daddy's tuition checks. you stupid fucks.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:12:43 AM by :
 this is about the haikus thread but i can't bear to look at that anymore, meatbreak
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:25:14 AM by meatbreak:
 Was all that for my benefit Jess? Why is it ironic to liosten to the Rolling Stones? Aren't quite a few of their songs still pretty good? I never said The Clipse can't talk about their lives, I just said they should finish their album properly if they want to contribute someting musical, as opposed to a sociological essay. In fact, that album would probably be better as an essay without the hours worth of the one beat going on behind it. Did I say I was black? No, because I'm not. Oh well. Not much I can do about that I suppose, other than wait for my fathers latent genes to kick in.

Stop reading the haikus then.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:29:36 AM by meatbreak:
 My mom goes hungry when her kids eat because she's some kind of house-wife martyr who smokes instead of ingesting anything other than coffe (instant, not from a gaggia, yeh?) and nicotine while she watches her kids trough up and muddy her 18 hour day so she can get up after 3 hours of not-sleep and start again. Mum's are cool. Especially ghetto ones who sell crack and ass to pave their kiddies way to a full tummy. The problem with rappers bleating on about their cash and their cribs and their grilles and their jewels is that I really don't care for those crass accoutrements at all, whoever says they got it and however hard they worked for it. Get that garish shit out my face.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:33:53 AM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 i used to have to feed my little brother sometimes because my mom had this huge depression problem and she'd just sleep all day sometimes
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:34:21 AM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 we ate a lot of ramen noodles and carrots if we wanted a snack and were lucky
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:36:06 AM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 it's semiotic terrorism. for example, burberry--burberry is PISSED that their brand is now associated with the ghetto. PISSED. as is hennessey
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:39:00 AM by CokeAnnCowgirl:
 mom my had to get married when she was under 18 so her 13-year-old brothers wouldn't get put into foster care after her dad who was a gangsta died at 41 and she was disowned by old world families
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:47:26 AM by :
 i hope the clipse buy like 55 escalades when this album goes triple platinum
Posted 12/19/2006 - 06:51:15 AM by meatbreak:
 I hope they buy 55 escalators so they can ride up and down them and make some special moving maze.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 07:27:02 AM by johnedowney:
 Reading these comments makes me feel both old for my age and young for my age. Thanks, I guess.
Posted 12/19/2006 - 09:35:10 AM by GlottalPlosive:
 I'm convinced that Marit Larsen is a figment of Stylus' imagination.