“Gotta Get Thru This”: Dom Passantino’s Survey of the New Millenium’s UK #1 Singles

By: Dom Passantino

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Posted 04/10/2006 - 08:18:36 AM by Havalina:
 I love this feature already, although I now feel 13 again. Top 5 number ones of 2000 for me: Masses Against The Classes, Stan, Pure Shores, Never Be The Same Again, It Feels So Good. Seriously, number ones were so much better then than they are now.
Posted 04/10/2006 - 09:51:43 AM by aBearAware:
 Based on the reviews so far, I suppose I'm grateful to have never heard two-thirds of these songs. But I can tell this will be an entertaining article series. By the way, in America, "masses" and "classes" do nothing BUT rhyme, no matter what your accent. Is there some sort of "ass/arse" difference across the pond?
Posted 04/10/2006 - 10:28:10 AM by jonathan:
 aBearAware: in the UK: masses = masses (short a), classes = clah-ses (long a).
Posted 04/10/2006 - 12:09:49 PM by Zarklephaser:
 Without the TV show association, Beautiful Day doubles its score to [8/10] for me. A great single for U2 at that stage in their career -- immediate, passionate, and instantly memorable.
Posted 04/10/2006 - 12:23:22 PM by Subwoofer:
 This is fantastic. I loved that Modjo song when it came out. Looking forward to Don't Stop Movin' coming up.
Posted 04/10/2006 - 04:47:39 PM by Klenches:
 Ahhh, the memories. "Pure Shores" and "Don't Call Me Baby" are classics. This makes me want to dig out my NOW 456th compilation. I can tell you that Tom Ewing has his work cut out for him if and when he ever gets there.
Posted 04/10/2006 - 07:57:06 PM by whiteboysushi:
 ah, glad somebody else finally called Destiny's Child on the "Bills, Bills, Bills"-"Independent Women" shit -- I always felt kind of like a douchebag for getting hung up on that. but at least they knew their place well enough to make "Bills, Bills, Bills" approximately ten thousand times better.
Posted 04/10/2006 - 08:53:56 PM by trevauld:
 the terrifying thing is when you read it, you feel like these stuff came out just a day ago and then you actually realize six years have passed until then. back then i didn't get how bob the builder made it up to #1, and i still don't. and one more thing to add; i'd prefer "the never-ending vomiting that is britpop", which is actually not anything of that sort, over the current teenage rock fad.
Posted 04/11/2006 - 06:12:32 AM by ketsume717:
 as usual, dom's instincts for dance pop are spot on (and crap for everything else). i remember telling all my friends in the u.s. how the ketchup song would be huge... only for the u.s. to end up being the only place (as far as i know) where the song DIDN'T explode.
Posted 04/11/2006 - 06:38:30 AM by dave_pullar:
 Dom - fucking hilarious article. It almost makes me not care that you slander "Whole Again".
Posted 04/11/2006 - 07:21:59 AM by badhaircut:
 The official count records 2,986 deaths in the attacks, including the 19 hijackers.
Posted 04/11/2006 - 09:55:19 AM by aBearAware:
 Afroman, oh my sweet christ. See, that's the danger of reading (or compiling) lists like this... you dredge up things you had somehow managed to wipe from your mind, after months and year of concentrated effort, therapy, and drinking, only to have the full horror slap you upside the head the moment your eyes fall on the words. Still, it remains debatable whether this is indeed the worst thing ever championed by Kevin Smith. Afroman deservedly disappeared, while Ben Affleck is still at large and committing celluloid crimes...
Posted 04/11/2006 - 10:21:36 AM by blackrooster:
 I had forgotten the genius of the Pied Piper. Thanks for reminding me. Top Article.
Posted 04/11/2006 - 11:01:13 AM by dioxido:
 I prefer Cheryl Tweedy.
Posted 04/11/2006 - 11:04:08 AM by Havalina:
 Thanks, now I remember what the worst song ever written was - DJ Pied Piper, take a bow. You've dissed some great songs so far though - Survivor was the only Destiny's Child song that was tolerable, let alone good, and Whole Again and Just Like A Pill are pop classics. And I hate Girls Aloud.
Posted 04/11/2006 - 11:23:45 AM by ckramer:
 this has to be one of the most outrageous one man features ever. congrats (i think), dom.
Posted 04/11/2006 - 02:43:10 PM by Subwoofer:
 Truly, this is so good. Ronan Keating is COMPLETELY the Alan Shearer of pop, and I have no idea why, but you are right. You also reminded me of Roger Sanchez, that Liberty X song, Holly Valance and that weird Portugeuse artist. In some weird way I know where you're coming from giving Rollin an 8 as well.
Posted 04/11/2006 - 02:46:24 PM by Subwoofer:
 That DJ Pied Piper article about reg plates made me giggle too.
Posted 04/11/2006 - 02:54:21 PM by srkenney:
 Man, this is great. I love these grandoise projects that you guys do from time to time - it makes me feel less guilty about my own music-geekery when I do the same sort of thing (albeit without the audience).
Posted 04/11/2006 - 03:27:38 PM by KissMyGrits:
 what a hilarious idea for an article! unfortunately, i'm only familiar with about half of the songs... someone do an american version of this article!
Posted 04/11/2006 - 05:18:37 PM by tom1977:
 johnathan says": in the UK: masses = masses (short a), classes = clah-ses (long a)." the arrogance of the south-east! this (mis)-pronunciation is limited to that one provincial corner of England that can't see or hear outside its own bumcrack. "masses" & "classes" rhyme perfectly well everywhere else!
Posted 04/11/2006 - 05:49:46 PM by Subwoofer:
 I am from the South-East, but know that it rhymes elsewhere in the country! Rude, honestly.
Posted 04/11/2006 - 06:05:28 PM by tom1977:
 just got back from a wedding where some coked-up M25er had first never heard of Hull (out in the sticks yeah but its hardly an obscure little village) and then that yorkshire folk spoke with a devon/cornwall accent. completely clueless. so yeah, apologies for the proper northern chip on me shoulder, just sometimes the media & web consensus is so skewed towards london - just a gentle reminder that there is a big island out there. Also why does tap water in the South East taste so shit?
Posted 04/11/2006 - 08:15:04 PM by boilingboy:
 Nice to see it's titled "Dom Passantino's Survey of...", instead of the usual, deceptive "Stylus Top Ten..." Atribution at last!
Posted 04/13/2006 - 01:50:18 AM by JohnCameron:
 See, while I'm loving this, I can still point to tAtU's score there and say to myself, "That's what's really wrong with the British."

That having been said, I've been laughing my "arse" off for like twenty minutes now. Some of this stuff is GOLD.
Posted 04/13/2006 - 10:15:54 AM by ketsume717:
 Could someone explain the Eastenders reference in the comment for Dry Your Eyes?
Posted 04/13/2006 - 11:55:08 AM by cwperry:
 Is The Divine Comedy a laughing stock in the UK? I've always found that music to be a descendant of Scott Walker. But then again, Scott Walker might be a laughing stock to a lot of people.
Posted 04/13/2006 - 01:31:43 PM by srkenney:
 Fuuuuuuuuuck... I can't remember laughing out loud about something music critic related in years, if EVER, but that "Yeah" write-up is pure genius. I'd love to find someway to add that to my list of everyday pop-culture references that I use to communicate instead of any sort of original thought, but I think I'd just get called a pervert. I'll never look at Lil Jon the same way.
Posted 04/14/2006 - 11:30:52 AM by AKMoose:
 Ever read an article where the writer says one thing so contrary to the basic tenets of your taste that your faith in the article is entirely lost? That happened to me at the point where, in an article that handed out zeroes like he was grading these in binary, Passantino gave fucking Limp Bizkit an 8. This is the worst example of lost credibility I've seen since I read an article raving about 8-bit Nintendo in which the author said she didn't know who Zelda was. (Actually the fact that it was a "she" writing about the NES should have tipped me off, but hey...) That being said, it was an interesting idea, and a neat look at the UK's #1 singles. I'm almost tempted to say there were too many one-liner reviews, but they were so uniformly funny that it's hard to hold it against the piece. Good read in spite of the Limp Bizkit blurb. Seriously, man.
Posted 04/14/2006 - 11:39:38 AM by robiskeen:
 ..."and if we have to end the article at any given point, it may as well be with the something that helped keep Morrissey off number one."...Hmmm whatis your obsession with Morrissey Mr
Posted 04/14/2006 - 02:05:36 PM by murdo2002:
 I quite like Mr Passantino due to his love of Half Man Half Biscuit but it seems his decent taste stops there. Every one of the singles he as reviewed for this article are abysmal. Try spending 8hrs+ at work listening to a commercial radio station and you'll soon agree. Ignition(remix) and the like, 3 or 4 times a day for 6 months would try the patience of a saint.
Posted 04/14/2006 - 05:57:53 PM by ieatseeds:
 'masses' rhymes with 'classes' in philadelphia, pennsylvania.
Posted 04/14/2006 - 05:58:25 PM by lukem887:
 I agree with a large amount of is, and very interesting it is, but Obviously is worth at least an 8. And that girl from As If... did have something, didn't she?
Posted 04/14/2006 - 06:05:33 PM by ieatseeds:
 I enjoyed reading this a lot, especially because so many hits in the UK never even showed up on the radar back here in the US. It's kinda funny also how some typically huge songs in the US were torn up. Eminem's'the real slim shady' was my entire senior year of high school, i know every word, but I hate Eminem, but on nostalgia alone I give it a 5 of 10. Also, the Leann Rimes song is definitely the best shit ever.
Posted 04/14/2006 - 06:07:17 PM by ieatseeds:
 I agree with KissMyGrits.... someone do an American version of this article. I'm up to the task if you'll let me!!!!
Posted 04/15/2006 - 10:09:37 PM by dannyboy:
 i dunno which is the best bit??? the jentina / buffalo G references? or the dry your eyes review which was probably got by 30% of the readers?? best.stylus.article.ever.
Posted 04/16/2006 - 11:55:44 AM by ketsume717:
 hey dannyboy, did you get the review for dry your eyes? could you explain it to me? it's just that, as it is, it comes off like an uncalled for association of the song to rape and it's leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.
Posted 04/16/2006 - 06:49:00 PM by dannyboy: this should help, but why it links in Doms mind with cry your eyes. i dunno. false regret filled with a media's obsession with cathartic tradgedy?
Posted 06/19/2006 - 12:05:46 PM by DomPassantino:
 Journalist's note: since the completion of this article, I have performed "Do You Really Like It?" at karaoke.