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We Are Blue And We Are Blind
lbum Chart Notes: Lemar is new at #8, they play his cover of 'I Believe In A Thing Called Love'. He's good. His decision to be backed by some kind of horrible echoed slide guitar thing makes him sound like Chris Rea, and is fucking atrocious. Girls Aloud are number 6. They play 'The Show'. Fuck yeah. U2 are still #1. That is all.
New Entries Outside The Top 20: Bryan Adams #39 (this is gonna be one of those afternoons, I can feel it somehow. This is Bryan in 'reflective mood'. It's wank); Alter Ego #32 (electro-squall, in a good way); The Streets #30 (sweet little thing about getting to know a girl. Nicely done); Joss Stone #29 (Joss gets her sensuous on. It's a bit… so-so. And long); and Nadia Off Of Big Brother #27 (I went to the toilet instead).
THE UK TOP 20: CUTTING SOME RUG
20) RAZORLIGHT – Rip It Up (NEW ENTRY)
Songwriting genius Johnny Borrell: "Hey girl / Get on the dance floor / Rip it up, yeah / That's what it's there for." Fuck off.
19) USHER ft. ALICIA KEYS – My Boo
So yeah, remember, this is the only—ONLY—chart rundown on the internet that's going to be seeing The Bluetones in Leeds this evening! We're the ONLY Top 40 rundown that's been authorised to be put on the guestlist by the editors of their student paper's music section, the ONLY chart column that's combining a beige shirt with a navy-blue jumper, and the FIRST to recognise the opening chords of 'Bluetonic' and cheer in a mildly enthusiastic manner! EXCLUSIVE!
18) JAY-Z vs. LINKIN PARK – Encore/Numb
Seriously, I'm quite looking forward to it. They've got some tunes, have The Bluetones. Quite often they're very dull and ploddy, but as a singles act—they're not too bad. I've never quite got round to buying the singles collection, though. Perhaps next week. It's usually quite cheap in the second-hand record shops, and most of them still hold up quite well.
17) CHRISTINA AGUILERA ft. MISSY ELLIOTT – Car Wash
I was the only person that volunteered to go out of all the student paper music writers, too, which was a bit of a surprise, particularly considering they were all falling over themselves to get the Kings Of Leon album.
16) UNITING NATIONS – Out Of Touch
I'm thinking the line out lead from the computer to the speakers is messing up a bit. That's a little worrying.
(N.B. instead of listening to the songs what I've heard before, I'm listening to whatever Bluetones stuff I have on iTunes instead. To 'warm up', as it were)
15) GERI HALLIWELL – Ride It
This, for instance, isn't as good as 'Slight Return'. This got to number four, 'Slight Return' got to number two. You can't argue with facts.
14) JOJO & BOW-WOW – Baby It's You
I decided to plug the computer speakers in instead, so I got to hear the whole of this. She really is quite good, isn't she?
13) BRIAN McFADDEN – Irish Son
I sense Brian wants to be in The Bluetones. As the bassist. Bassists are real. I'm listening to 'Bluetonic' instead. 'Bluetonic' is probably my favourite Bluetones song, with the possible exception of 'If'. It's pretty much the backing vocals in the chorus—"Certain liddle smiiiiile…" There's going to be a mass singalong to this later. I can't wait.
12) EMINEM – Just Lose It
He disses the President of the USA, but not The Bluetones. He knows not to mess with them.
11) GWEN STEFANI – What You Waiting For?
Admittedly, their last few singles haven't actually been particularly good. 'Autophilia'… there'll probably be a mass singalong of that too. That's not such a good thing. Still six new entries to come.
10) SNOOP DOGG & PHARRELL – Drop It Like It's Hot (NEW ENTRY)
Ooh, nice. There's a sound like dropping lard on a hot frying pan in the background early on. I could say more. I probably should. But—it's a top 10 hit, and it samples the sound of frying lard. Let that tide you over to next week, eh?
9) NELLY & CHRISTINA AGUILERA – Tilt Ya Head Back
This is really annoying. I made a massive end-of-year singles list, not anticipating anything coming in at the last minute to mess it up. And then this happens. Grr.
8) BABYSHAMBLES – Killamangiro (NEW ENTRY)
#2 in the midweeks. Hmm. Er, how? There's a nice sort of slidey bit into stompy chorus, but other than that…Doherty (for it is none other) mumbles about people wanting to see him in a cage, which is somehow a metaphor for being on stage (because it rhymes?) and something or other 'killed a man for his giro today'. Perhaps it sounds like The Clash. Perhaps it just isn't very good. Oh well.
7) LEMAR – If There's Any Justice
Ta to Justin "Should Never've Left The" Cober-Lake for hooking us up with the noise. It's very good.
6) NATASHA BEDINGFIELD – Unwritten (NEW ENTRY)
So she's doing another song about writing. But—AHA! It's actually a clever metaphor for LIFE! It took me a good twenty or so listens to get to the point of quite liking 'These Words'. This is my first listen to this, so for now it sounds like a daring fusion of Nelly Furtado and Delta Goodrem.
5) GREEN DAY – Boulevard Of Broken Dreams (NEW ENTRY)
Doom-laden rock ballad. For Christmas. Fair enough. Quite nice, but not really into it just yet. These things take time, but it crunches its way forward in a pretty solid manner thus far.
4) GIRLS ALOUD – I'll Stand By You
So the album came out and, as Stylus will be letting you know soon, it's a bit good. And this really doesn't let the side down at all. I find myself singing along to it every now and then, which is more than I've ever sung along to the original.
3) DESTINY'S CHILD – Lose My Breath
But tonight, we dance to a different beat.
Because there really is no heart you can't melt, with a certain little smile (certain little smiiiiile…)
2) ICE CUBE ft. MACK 10 & MISS TOI – You Can Do It (NEW ENTRY)
So Wes tried to build tension. "This is probably the most important chart I've ever done! My heart is literally thumping!" And then—history was announced with this statement:
"So—is it Band Aid 20… or is it Ice Cube?"
Best. Dichotomy. Ever.
Except it's probably not a dichotomy. But anyway. How old is this? I remember they used to play it on the Evening Session back when I was, like, thirteen or something… but no, never been a hit before, and it's Ice Cube's first hit for over ten years. It's also quite good in a shouty boomy kind of a way. Not that Wes is telling us any of that. That'd be getting in the way of history, wouldn't it?
1) BAND AID 20 – Do They Know It's Christmas? (NEW ENTRY)
"MIDGE URE IS LIVE ON THE PHONE NEXT!" Fuck's sake. So yes, all the famous people in Britain ever save Africa. I have more to write about this. Lots to write about this. It'll have to wait for next week, or maybe the week after… but it's not as though this'll be going away in any hurry, is it? But for now, I'm off to cut some rug…
By: William B. Swygart
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