September 1, 2006

Menstruation Monsters - Dirty Soaked Tampon

Cameron Macdonald: Ilsa Gold’s Christopher Just produced this nine-minute zinger that is more Lesbians on Ecstasy gimmickry than ironic Chicks on Speed performance art. We’ve got the fake orgasms, Christina Aguilera melodrama done in a karaoke way, demands for “satisfaction now,” and requests for rectal insertion. The song’s generic, Europop-house sound simply deflates the sass and worse, clubgoers will have little idea that the tune is actually about soiled tampons. Just’s own remix thankfully obscures the trash by stuttering the vocals and grooving to a decent microfunk glide, despite the synth blows seemingly stolen from The Juan MacLean’s “You Can’t Have It Both Ways.” Axel Bartsch’s remix is a bit bloodless, plodding along to keyboard squirts, slouching melodies, and vocals that are drenched in unnecessary echo.

Nick Sylvester: As if you can’t tell from the artist name and track title, MM’s “DST” is boilerplate electroclash w/ dirty lyrics!, the rub here being that MM’s oversized skidmark-goth synth can’t decide on an audience: I hear Jock Jams one minute, Benny Benassi strip anthem the next (the word “satisfaction” is actually said at one point), Chicks on Speed on bad speed after that. And when the brickhanded piano chords burst out mid-scene like the bad Chicago house parody they are, I hear Cece Peniston’ “Finally,” which turns out I’m not as excited about as I used to be. How Christopher Just turned this turd into a Carl Craig-circa-Paperclip People acid-house monster, with that relentless thump and an acid freakout Benassi only dreams of, I have no idea, but it’s one of the best fake Carl Craig tracks I’ve heard in a while, and aside from the vocal cutups it has nothing to do with the a-side.

Censored / Censored099
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