Ask A Girl
Girlfriends and Gigs

chicks! Who on earth can figure them out? Well, other chicks can. Stylus readers, you now have a portal into their world. Lisa Oliver has kindly volunteered to answer your questions on all things girl. While mostly dealing with music related questions, she isn't afraid to tackle other subjects as well. No problem is too small. And if she doesn't have the answer (or some guy has pissed her off about something) she will consult her cool girl posse for advice. So step up to the plate, gentlemen. Don't fear the girl...ask her instead.

About a month ago my friend was joking about how he had broken up this his girlfriend for the simple reason that she didn't like good music. Even though she dumped him, which is beside the point, we realized that in both of our minds, breaking up with a girl/not pursuing a girl simply because she has different/lesser music tastes is a completely rational thing. I feel really bad about it, and I think that it's probably the reason that I feel very discouraged about my love life. So... basically, should I stop being a dick and fall in love, or should I stay true to everything that I stand for and remain celibate?

Well, if your manifesto includes dying a lonely depressed man because you never felt the life-affirming power that is the love of a good woman then yes – stick to your guns! But if you want to live a happy and fulfilled life, I would suggest lowering the taste bar a smidge. Just the fact that you “feel really bad about it” indicates that you might be resorting to this logic in order to save face/lessen the risk of rejection rather than really believing in it. By all means stay true to principles like being good to people and don’t compromise on things that are genuinely important (such as your religious convictions or not committing crimes) but musical tastes? C’mon – there’s gotta be scope for a wee bit of compromise there. I am not saying throw yourself at that girl who loves shite music (I am not insane after all) but at least find out if she is willing to get some music science dropped on her. I will be honest with you here (and don’t tell anyone else ok?) but I have gleaned the majority of my taste in/knowledge of music from boyfriends. I am sure there is a an A+ pupil out there waiting for you honey, all you need to do is be both patient and willing to put a little work in.

Oh, and HELLO! I would on no account encourage celibacy. You really need to ask yourself – are you choosing celibacy or is celibacy choosing you? Life is a rough enough ride without consciously opting out of one of the greatest gifts that can be thrown at you (pancakes are the second). So get in the game Mr. lover lover! Because I can assure you – no matter how great a record is – it will never be that great at naked spooning.

Several girls have told me about how they hate the idea of going to a gig they like with their boyfriends. It seems there is something guys tend to do while we are trying to enjoy both her company and the show that annoys them, but I wasn't able to investigate. Also in these cases, the girls like the bands and want to be at the gigs. Can you give me a not-to-do list to help me out?

Hmm…a list of annoying male behavior at shows. I think I can provide that. I did a little research (never let it be said I don’t pay attention for you guys) at the three gigs I have been to since I got this question. First gig was Belle & Sebastian, which isn’t the best show for annoying male behavior since the most irksome thing a guy did was apologize for gently nudging me while putting on his cardigan. Second show was Secret Machines, much more fertile ground and the icing on the irritation cake was a punk rock/new wave all-nighter. If you spot some of your own behavior in this list, you must cease and desist pronto

-Ridiculously big hair (Oi, you're 6 feet 10 as it is, that's big enough, stop with the spikiness)
-The super tall guy who INSISTS on standing right at the front
-The mobile phone conversations (guess where I am!)/The mobile phone camera work
-The coming-to-a-gig-with-everything-you-own-in-backpack
-General chit-chat bletherama (Hey chatter? Meet the bar area.)
-Getting lairy (sloppy drunk) with friends and becoming noisy, squashing people and pumping your fist into the air, all of which stop me enjoying the music.
-Throwing your long hair around, head banging style. All burgeoning rock gods should move to one side please.
-Carrying 10 pints through a big crowd and raising them over my head to get past, which results in spillage on me.
-When guys get into the gig so much, they start shouting at people who aren't actively jumping around too.

And my mate Sara ended with:

“I also don't really like going to any kind of indie gig in the north of England because everyone there has that Gallagher brothers haircut.” Nuff said, eh?

And finally – if you are going to gig with a lady friend, you don’t have to glom onto her or ask every five seconds “what do you think”. Just a simple smile and a little squeeze of her hand will do very nicely. We (the girls) are just as psyched as you are to be at the show, and even more so to be there with our lovely guys. Just be cool about it okay?

Also, I would like to give big ups, props, shout-outs and kisses to the below blog master generals who have been kind enough to link me. You get pride of place in Ask A Girl world.

Have a question for a girl? Like the anonymity of the internet? Want to be featured in an upcoming column of Ask A Girl? Perhaps e-mailing with your own questions is your ticket to fame.

By: Lisa Oliver
Published on: 2003-12-17
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