Gigs, Record Collections, PMS and Know-It Alls
hicks! Who on earth can figure them out? Well, other chicks can. Stylus readers, you now have a portal into their world. Lisa Oliver has kindly volunteered to answer your questions on all things girl. While mostly dealing with music related questions, she isn't afraid to tackle other subjects as well. No problem is too small. And if she doesn't have the answer (or some guy has pissed her off about something) she will consult her cool girl posse for advice. So step up to the plate, gentlemen. Don't fear the girl...ask her instead.
My girlfriend wants to come to gigs with me, but she doesn't care about music -- she says she just wants to be with me, but I just want to enjoy the band without worrying that she is bored stupid. What do I do?
Ugh, I am torn on this one. On the one hand, I feel I should say – “Hey! You’re lucky your girlfriend takes an interest in something that matters to you!” But, this is a problem I have had too. And it is a total drag. I would explain that it would be like her inviting you to see a film that she was into and you weren't. If that tack doesn't work, clarify that going to gigs for you is about connecting to the music - not the people around you. Also, point out the fact that gigs will only mean something if she is also into the band and the music. Explain that you would be happy to take her if she was into the band - and play her some of the stuff. If she still isn't into it - then either take her to see a band you don't really care about or take her to see a band you love and act exactly the way you normally do. If she gets all bent out of shape - then tell her this is why going to gigs with her isn't a good idea and next time - take her out for dinner before you go to see the band. Or make a special night out with her the day after you see the band. She just wants to be a part of your life, buddy. Value that.
My girlfriend wants to consolidate our record collections. I have lots of rare and expensive stuff, and I don't want it mixed with her stuff, in case later we break up and then I lose some of it. What should I do so she isn't offended?
There has not been a superlative invented for what a bad idea this is. Next thing you know – people will be consolidating their finances and lives and getting married and buying property together. Oh wait – people do that. And see what a bad idea that is? Don’t consolidate the records – go ahead and offend her. If she insists (or cries) here are some solutions. Make a pre-nup of your collection so there is no confusion if (and stress it’s a mighty big if) you break up. If she gets all wiggy about that, suggest that you can consolidate all your clothes and shoes together as well and you will keep all her favorite trousers/shoes if you break up. That should slam it into perspective for her.
My girlfriend is total crank around her period. Is it really PMS or just an excuse to act all bitchy?
PMS, like dicks, are all different. For some girls it’s a mild cramp and you are done, for others it’s a way to beat a murder rap. But because it is hormonal, anything that might be bothering her or she’s insecure about a little bit (or that she is able to contain) when not hormonal, is amplified during PMS - which is why she might be more sensitive and prone to outbursts. If men had hormones with a life of their own girls would ALL know about it. Guys have two choices: lay low during the rocky ride that is the hormone express or pay attention to what sets if off and try to broach it when the yelling/crying subsides. But never, ever say these words: “Are on your period or something?” That is, if you value your head being attached to your neck.
If I sound like a musical know-it-all, will women be turned off by me?
Hell yes. To be fair, know-it-alls in any subject turn people off. Being pedantic makes even the most beautiful person into a troll. The generous explanation is that people get nervous around members of the opposite sex and, in order to combat that, go into a safety zone of knowledge. The flip side is the know-it-all thinks they are coming off all clever-clever and impressive. In reality, most people want to stick a pencil in your neck. So calm down and shut the hell up. See? Everyone’s a winner then.
Have a question for a girl? Like the anonymity of the internet? Want to be featured in an upcoming column of Ask A Girl? Perhaps e-mailing Lisa_Oliver@stylusmagazine.com with your own questions is your ticket to fame.
By: Lisa Oliver
Published on: 2003-12-03